Religulous

From the average viewer's perspective, having watched Politically Incorrect all through HS and now Real Time, I think it's safe to say that Bill Maher is a cocky bastard. Cocky and most of the time right. Even when it's delivered in the most abrasive, offensive way possible. That being said, the documentary Religulous (not sure if I spelled that right) was predictable in that it was 100 minutes of Bill Maher telling us what we already know: that he thinks anyone who subscribes to any religion is a mentally ill, deluded asshole and that they are taking up all the air breathed by smart, rational, science loving people.

Because this is directed by Larry Charles, director of Borat, this premise is funny only halfway until you realize that without the one-liners being hurled, the religious freaks putting their foot in their mouths and the crazy, irreverent movie clips intercut between damn near every scene, you don't have much of an interesting film. With the exception of a few, the interviews seemed way too short and the cramming and bashing of every major religion, including Scientology seemed rushed.

The problem with Religulous is that it preaches to the converted. The only people that will probably see this are so called intellectuals, democrats, open-minded, free thinking people, in other words, the same people that watch his show. Even though there is nothing wrong with making a decidedly biased movie, it gets stale after a while when you realize that the joke ceases to be funny because you get it from the beginning. The lawsuits that will inevitably follow this film might be more interesting.

Granted, the nice touches are Maher's conversations with his now deceased mother, a cringe-inducing interview with a reformed heterosexual Christian and an utterly clueless politician who doesn't even to seem to know why he's religious. But unlike Borat, this isn't enough to carry the movie as Maher injects himself way too much into the film, especially at the end which is basically an extended version of his trademark rant at the end of Real Time. Religulous incites a few laughs and there are some genuinely entertaining moments but overall, it was way too scattered and even for yours truly, the converted, way too one sided.

Seriously though....

Memo to the writers of True Blood:

Okay, I get it. People down South don't really work or go grocery shopping or even eat but they sure like to have sex. Human, breathing people, dead vampire people, Black people, white people, gay and straight people. They have kinky sex, rough sex, chained up vampire sex, guilt sex, mercy sex, bored sex, they have sex with themselves. They drink alot before and after having sex, they even pop pills. They think about having sex, they dream about it and they talk about it, alot. They tie each other up, they videotape each other having sex, they do the oral thing, they growl and thrash about while having sex, they die while having sex. They do it all. Have I covered everything? Cause you sure have. In three episodes, which equals three lost hours of my life. Let's start getting around to an actually watchable television show because I'm nearly done. Thank you.

Love,

Kia

Why weekends suck and are amazing

Friday: Came home right after work, went into a tv coma.

Saturday: Participated in harrowing, headache inducing, kind of strangely comfortable road trip to Philly with my sister driving and 4 women going through menopause complaining about the air conditioner in the back. (Among many, many other things.)

Sunday: Went to the New York Television Festival at New World Stages, which sadly, used to be the $2 movie theater. (HS memories!) The panel discussions ranged from very helpful, inspiring and informative to downright patronizing and glib. (welcome to the world of TV development!) After that, I decided to walk from 50th between 8th and 9th all the way home. I made it almost 2 miles when I realized that I was sweating worse than everyone in this movie so I hopped on the bus.

Before that though, I took a little shortcut (not really) through the tunnel at the Bethesda Fountain and was literally stopped in my tracks by Thoth. I'd heard of him and have probably seen him around, but because of my increasingly unhealthy contempt for tourists who I try to avoid like the plague, I haven't been to that part of the park in ages. It was like everyone disappeared. No real description can accurately describe the effect of his voice, his movement in the space, that lacked a real audience, thanks to the massive crowd of tourists surrounding these two guys who were doing stand up or break dancing, or something. Some people walked by, snickering at his costume, his unexplainable performance. Some, like me, stayed to watch, mesmerized and when he finished we weren't sure whether to applaud or just walk away in quiet reverence. I did both and then continued on my trek through the park where I proceeded to dodge camera wielding tourists who took up the entire width of a city street, oblivious to the thousands of people around them who just wanted to go home.

Bliss.

Ads

Riding on the train this morning and was struck by these chewing gum ads that encourage one to get off the computer and start making out. I actually smiled at 9 in the morning cause, they're kind of cute and pop-culturish without being condescending and snarky, which seems to the be thing to do in this day and age. (I speak for moi when I say this too!)

Then, clicking on Gawker, there's this blog about humorous if not very overwritten and specific ads from back in the olden days. What is this day trying to tell me? Probably nothing.


Links Via: Valleywag, Gawker

It's never too late

Congratulations to Maurice Sendak for coming out at age 80. I have purposely not watched or really read anything related to the live action version of Where the Wild Things Are because I will wait for the movie to be in completion to pass judgement. As much as I love Spike Jonze, aren't some things just sacred? We'll see...

Revisiting a sad and infuriating statistic

Hannah Upp. If you watch television, own a computer and especially if you live in NYC, there is no escaping this woman's name, face, story. She's missing! She's a school teacher! OMG, she lives in Harlem! The media who claim to be so compassionate about stories of missing people did all but print a story about her body being found somewhere. Notices went up on all the social networking sites, email vigils were forwarded to people's inboxes and then days later, Upp is spotted and then positively identified by her parents in the Apple store on fifth avenue.

Now, stories are surfacing that maybe she wanted to disappear from the face of the Earth, overlooking the small fact that her friends and family would be worried sick looking for her. I don't want to sound angry but bias is bias and when it's so blatant and no one takes accountability for it, it's hard to sympathize for one young woman going through a personal crisis, when there are families of hundreds of women of color who will never see their daughters again. I sincerely hope that Upp is okay and that she deals with whatever she is going through. Just like I sincerely wish the media would fairly cover all missing person's cases with the same fervor and round the clock coverage of a pretty white girl with a flower in her hair.

Passionate and informative video on the subject via Brave New Films after the jump:



Links via ABC news
Wikipedia

Jeez...

As achingly bad as I want a clean Obama victory, I am not counting McCain out just yet, but seriously, WTF? If it weren't so deliciously ironic for the self-righteous, completely delusional McCain camp and his supporters, the news that Sarah Palin's teenage daughter is knocked up would almost be sad and unfortunate. Just like I couldn't care less and didn't understand what the big deal was over Britney Spears' sister, besides the fact that Sarah Palin was a desperate choice to sway Hilary voters (kiss that plan goodbye), I really don't give a damn that Bristol Palin, a girl from a moderately/very wealthy family who has unlimited access to acceptable pre-natal care and has the chance to raise a healthy, well educated kid is with child.
Obama (full of grace) said that children and families are off limits but revisiting the fact that the disenfranchised poor in this country will stay in their circumstances because they are basically screwed from birth due in large part to greedy republican ideology might not be a bad idea...

This election has taken it's strangest turn yet and I am loving the frantic spinning/justifying/bullshitting that the republican party is doing, not to mention every right wing pro life Christan group who has access to a computer. Making a less than accurate prediction that tomorrow, I will wake up to CNN breaking the news that Sarah Palin is in fact, a man. I mean, at this point, it's not entirely implausible.

Hmmmmmm.......

It's no secret that, while conflicted about it, I am somewhat of a Disney groupie. Since I saw Lady and the Tramp when I was about 5, ( and when it's good, it's not all good) I've been hooked. (I also know at least two songs from every Disney musical ever made but shhhh...don't tell anybody).

So bear with me as I pause (kind of) to pass judgement on this new Disney film set in New Orleans featuring the first Black female princess. Not even out yet, The Princess and The Frog is already stirring controversy, as Disney literally had to go back to the drawing board after
originally making her a god damn maid. (Some studio exec probably rationalized: Hey, Cinderella was a maid! No one had a problem with that!)

So she's no longer a maid but the fact that it's set in a place and time where technically, princesses can't really exist bothers me. Why can't little black girls wander off into far away lands of unspecified origin in their daydreams instead of colonial America? Black people love escapist fantasy just as much as the next person. And even though Disney will make a killing off of the marketing and merchandise of this film because parents will buy their kids anything, isn't it a little too late for hand drawn animation? Wouldn't this have fared better pre-Pixar, say right after Mulan?

And then I come to what I know will ultimately piss me off about this film. The buck toothed, slack jawed, Sambo-like insect that I guess is supposed to invoke fond memories of Jiminy Cricket or Sebastian the crab but really is just some of the most ridiculous, stereotypical shit I have ever seen. I won't post any links to the trailer here, as I have already (unsuccessfully) tried not to pass judgement. Google it, and see for yourself.

And let me end with saying that Mufaro's Beautiful Daughters was and still is one of the most beautifully written, illustrated and imaginative children's books ever written. It should be required reading for every black mother who would like to have her daughter not grow up with identity/ self-esteem issues. (worked for me!) The story has romance, a handsome prince, drama, intrigue, talking animals and it's set in Africa. It's gorgeous and I've always thought it should be adapted to the big screen. But then again, if passed through the unrelenting stereotype machine that is American cinema, the end result would be nothing like the original. But I digress. Actually I don't.

This from the guy who starred in Anaconda

(Throwing my hands up to the heavens) God Bless free speech:

" Sen. Barack Obama has grown up with the teaching of very angry, militant white and black people: the Rev. Jeremiah Wright, Louis Farrakhan, William Ayers and Rev. Michael Pfleger. We cannot say we are not affected by teachers who are militant and angry. We know too well that we become like them, and Mr. Obama will run this country in their mindset . . .

If Mr. Obama had his way, he would have pulled our troops from Iraq years ago and initiated an unprecedented bloodbath, turning over that country to the barbarianism of our enemies. With what he has openly stated about his plans for our military, and his lack of understanding about the true nature of our enemies, there’s not a cell in my body that can accept the idea that Mr. Obama can keep us safe from the terrorists around the world, and from Iran, which is making great strides toward getting the atomic bomb. And while a misleading portrait of Mr. Obama is being perpetrated by a media controlled by the Democrats, the Obama camp has sent out people to attack the greatness of Sen. John McCain, whose suffering and courage in a Hanoi prison camp is an American legend."

- As told by Jon Voight. I like Midnight Cowboy just as much as anyone, but really, shut the hell up.

Thanks to Crunk & Disorderly

Picture it...me crying

Estelle Getty has passed away. She was 84 years old.
Everyone likes to play that game where they assign Sex & the City characters to themselves. Well, when I was in college, before I even knew that show existed, me and my 3 friends would sit around philosophizing about which one of us was Blanche, Dorothy, Rose or Sophia. I always happily ended up being Sophia. She was my absolute favorite. R.I.P.

All great things

Even though I grew up a serious dilettante (clarinet, Alto sax, dance, musical theater, track and field, piano, poetry, painting, photography, blah blah blah), I am pretty sure that film is it for me. In thinking about this, I recall two specific things that lead me to this conclusion. The first is this show during the eighties called "Lights, Camera, Action" narrated by Leonard Nimoy that used to air on Nickelodeon. You couldn't have told me this show didn't have a thousand episodes after watching the making of the Dark Crystal. It was like constant music in my ears after that, I didn't know what to do with myself. The second is "At the Movies" with Siskel and Ebert. First of all, to an introverted, movie obssessed 8 year old on a rainy day, the cheesy intro music and movie theater set is the greatest thing ever. And the movie clips! The arguing! And even though it took me a while to warm up to Richard Roeper, I feel a little something knowing that everything I once knew about the show is going away, no more thumbs up, thumbs down. I wish Roger Ebert the best, I owe that show a lot. The new hosts will probably be acceptable and entertaining. There's just no replacing the original. If more people had that kind of passion for movies, maybe so many crappy movies wouldn't get made. Just a thought.

um...what?

I'm all for good bedside manner but this might be taking that a tad bit too far.
A lollipop or a sticker is just not enough these days I guess.

GO SEE WALL-E GO SEE WALL-E GO SEE WALL-E....

I was armed with all the cynicism in my 30-year old body and sadly, it melted away in less than five minutes. I must preface this by saying that I am a die-hard fan of traditional hand drawn animation and have not been sucked into the Pixar wave, no matter how creative or groundbreaking their films are. I like Finding Nemo alot, everything else for me is just ok. Until last night. Where do I begin? The eerie post apocalyptic New York set to sadly beautiful big band music? The breathtaking space scenes, the commentary on the future of this world if it is run into the ground by corporations, or simply the fact that the little robot had only one real line and every time he said it, I couldn't help but smile. Aw shucks, I LOVED this movie! (And yes, he does look like Johnny 5 but honestly, I always thought Johnny 5 was kind of creepy. This little bastard was just unimaginably cute...and yes, there is an entire website devoted to fans of Short Circuits 1 & 2...I don't judge.) But back to the subject at hand. GO SEE WALL- E! It's that good.

The More Things Change....

Here we go again....I honestly don't know what to say or do anymore without becoming the enraged Black person everyone wants me to be, thinks I am, wishes I was, blah blah blah...this incredibly confusing, "it's cool to be un-PC, but still PC at the same time" era we live in is getting out of control. Did it ever occur to the snarky, (clever in their own heads) people at the New Yorker that they are giving way too many IQ points to a vast majority of Americans and so-called media savvy New Yorkers for that matter? That all the nutbag extremists who still think that the Obamas are closet terrorists won't take this magazine cover and run with it? What makes this so-called liberal magazine any different from the crazy assholes at Fox News? (see, they got me cussin')Or maybe that was the plan from the beginning. Perhaps all the "liberals" who come up with these gems are really hard-core republicans who are so frightened at the prospect of a Black president that they will go these extremes. Whatever the rationale behind this disgraceful "artwork", (Sorry, I'm not buying the satire angle) I am exhausted trying to wrap my head around why people are so resistant to change. It makes me very sad for this country and ALL the people who live in it.

Wtf Jesse Jackson?

(Sigh) Haven't been feeling really bloggy lately nor do I have the energy to tackle this one.

The Wackness

I appreciate movies that are extremely personal to the director, almost autobiographical. It's often the way I write my own stuff and when it's done well, it can be pretty powerful. "The Wackness", starring Ben Kingsley, adorable Josh Peck, the friend from Juno and one of those Olsen twins (still trying to figure out the point of that) is one of those movies. It starts out extremely self- indulgent as the actors didn't seem to be comfortable with the dialogue until the end of the second act and there were some scenes that just seemed a few minutes too long. (the constant references to stuff from 1994 were also kind of annoying) Despite that, this film turns out to be a very sweet, sad , and weird little movie about one of the hottest summers in NYC (I remember), falling in love and dealing with crazy old people. The craziest being Ben Kingsley, who jumps right into his stoner psychiatrist role, weird accent and all. He is so entertaining that it never gets tired and Josh Peck as his 18 year old dealer is almost perfect opposition. Even if you weren't into 90's Hip-Hop ( The soundtrack gave me serious 10th grade flashbacks) it still had something for everyone. What bothered me the most though was Method Man's horrendous accent as a Jamaican drug dealer (They could afford Ben Kingsley but not a dialect coach?) and the insertion of the title in the dialogue which I loathe unless absolutely necessary. The girl from Juno (I know her name just don't feel like typing it) says something like: "I see the dopeness, you see the wackness." Heh? Um, no, just no. Other than that, check it out.

Scattered thoughts, Morning angriness

For the last time...it's a POUND! A DAP if you will...if I hear or read "fist bump"one more time I will (attempt) to scream for 12 hrs straight while simultaneously smacking someone, anyone within handshot upside the head. Why must the media make everything so damn cheesy? I mourn the loss of all the cool and funny things I used to say but now, sadly cannot because it has been adapted by "mainstream" America.

Let's start with the obvious...the Dap. Because it will inevitably turn into this:














The term ghetto:
While many people, Black, white, what have you, find this word offensive, I myself actually enjoyed using it quite a bit back in the day to fondly describe growing up in the projects and making ends meet in the most creative of ways. It's personal nostalgia for me because if you weren't well off growing up and your parents knew what they were doing, you had absolutely no idea that you were in an undesirable situation. (Doesn't everybody use a washcloth and baking soda to brush their teeth when there is no toothpaste or brush around? Hmmm...) I had to put a stop to my affection for the word when ghetto became synonymous with ignorant and when I heard some blonde girl on campus with a sorority shirt on using it completely out of context. "Oh My God! Jello Shots are so freakin' ghetto!" (sigh)

Hot mess:
The beginning of the end started with that God-awful BET show, which I hope is off the air by now. (I only watch the reruns of Different World and Different Strokes) Then along with "fierce", the gays began to use it in full force, which is actually okay because unlike most, when they say it, they mean it. But the term has been used and overused so much, that it's simply time for me to retire it, even though, growing up around Black women all my life, the term is permanently etched into my brain. Maybe I'll just use it on the inside.

On a completely different note, can I just say that Gore Vidal makes me smile? He's old, bitter, sassy, completely and ridiculously intelligent and he doesn't seem to outwardly like anybody or anything. What's not to love? I even liked him when he was being a complete ass in With Honors (Sort of good, very watchable early nineties film). Turns out, he was just being himself. Genius!

link via Gawker

We wear the mask

So because of all this Obama stuff, certain people can't quite seem to grasp the dual nature of being black in this country. After watching this video, all of that should be answered. The effortlessness, the ease at which this anchorman goes from "professional" to "pissed off black guy" is flawless and inspired. Wake up America, we can't be just one kind of Black person all the time...that would make us disingenuous or downright corny. But, as this guy demonstrates, being both is f***ing HILARIOUS.

This is it

Not too long ago, I had the unique opportunity to teach. Some of my kids were absolute angels, others most likely have three numbers tattooed somewhere on their heads. Even though for the most part it was cool, the one thing that bugged me about teaching was that you learn sometimes people need to hear the truth, not what's polite. Like when a kid was out of control and I had to say to a parent: "He has an extremely high energy level and sometimes it's distracting to other students." Bullshit. "Your child has no attention span because all you do is get him hopped up on sugar and violent video games, and honestly, you're not that good of a parent." See the difference? That's the truth.

This is why I think for the sake of this country's sanity someone from the DNC needs to step it up, pull Hilary into a small enclosed space (Where she can't escape) and talk some sense into her. Real Talk, not "Uh, maybe it's time to hang it up" talk. Yes, Obama is the nominee and deservedly so, but imagine how much more of an impact this news would have had if she did the right thing and conceded, maybe convincing some of her less informed voters from states that shall remain nameless that he is the only logical choice for the presidency. Any teacher can tell you, human behavior doesn't change form, just shape. Right now, Hilary is throwing a big fat tantrum.

???????

Just curious....who is my one subscriber? It's not any of my friends and family as I have sadly discovered. Who are you, let's rap a taste. Heaven knows I appreciate you, you've brought me into extreme obscurity rather than complete oblivion. Thanks!

(smooches)

K.

I'm still going to see it

Approaching my twilight years, I am not as much of a Sex and the City fanatic as I used to be. Like so many other New Yorkers, I have always been strangely entranced, delighted and absolutely pissed that Sex & The City exists. No one runs through midtown in four inch heels. Sorry, it just doesn't happen. Just like NO ONE can live on 73rd and 3rd and be perpetually broke as Carrie always was. Rent stabilized Brownstones in Manhattan? They don't exist. Neither do obscenely handsome, intelligent straight guys, or fabulous fleet week parties in some random location in Times Square. What I really feel sorry for are the all the out- of -towners who watch the show and then come to NYC and discover that (gasp) people of color actually live in New York. But I digress.

If you were caught up in the SATC haze as I was, you'll know that the show is a very hard habit to kick, especially now that it's in syndication. If you are not familiar with the haze, it's that 2-3 year period after the final episode aired on HBO where you actually felt sorry for yourself because you were torn between watching something really good, informative or entertaining or pressing play on your remote and watching another season of SATC on demand for literally the 400th time while simultaneously contemplating shelling out $200 for the DVD set. Ask anyone that knows me. It was bad. But again, I digress.

Thank the stars for this TONY article on why the show has been a huge reason for NYC's general downfall into suckage and oblivion. God knows I loves me some NY1 but when that stupid Carmel car commercial comes on, I want to gouge my eyes out with the nearest blunt object. Unlike most local NYC commercials that are so bad they're good, this one is god awfully horrendous and I really wish NY1 would renege on their pact with the devil and stop airing it. That being said, I will still pay 12 bucks and leave the theater two hours later feeling simultaneously dead & fabulous inside.

Link Via Time Out New York

Damn America?

I find myself in a sort of conundrum today...
The thing is, by posting this link to what I consider one of the most reprehensible and vile things about New York, I feel as if I'm only giving in to Internet hype instead of merely backing away. On the other hand, by ignoring the problem, I am potentially giving up on what should be a city-wide boycott of The Post, which is pretty much, unreadable. (My one loyal subscriber, if you're still out there, get to work!) Since I don't read the paper, I wonder if this "writer" reported Russell Crowe's phone throwing antics with the same self-entitled zeal. Or on Lilo Brancato for that matter, who is waiting to stand trial for murder. I'm not excusing stupid acts of violence by rappers but last time I checked a newspaper is supposed to report, not condemn. Not call a human being a "thing". Thanks to Gawker for noting this sad and ridiculous woman who calls herself a reporter. I have no idea why I chose the title for this post, it was the first thing that popped into my head. This was the second thing, quoted from some guy in a documentary some friends of mine are making: "America needs a nation-wide ass whuppin'." Amen.

I'm sorry but it's funny, leave me alone.

I will be hitting (forgive me as my hands shake while I type) the big 3-0 next month. Mentally, it's like yay! I'm older and wiser and smarter and sexier and funnier, I hope. Chronologically it's more like f**k, this concept of time is actually sort of real and I'm caught up in it and there's not a damn thing I can do about it. This is why I am so glad I have the power to amuse myself and lower my good taste and decorum from time to time. I mean, if I can't laugh at the fact that my dog farted so bad in Petland the other day that it kind of made me gag and I had to convince the sales girl for three minutes that it wasn't me, than what good is living?

So I say please forgive me for picking on poor Robert Creamer...I'll give you a moment. He's a very good writer for the Huff Po. His articles about politics and the current election are dead on and insightful. Despite all that, I can never get past the byline without losing it, as I mentioned in my last myspace blog, which is considerably less refined than this one. But Seriously, WTF is up with that Simpson/South Parkesque surname? I am soooo googling the origins of it, assuming it's not NSFW. I kind of hate myself for inserting two web abbreviations phrase thingies. Oh well.

links via Huffington Post, Myspace, South Park Studios

Good Morning New York

50 shots fired. Let's really think about that for a minute. 50 SHOTS. I'm stunned right now. Our flawless justice system prevails again.


link via Gothamist

This is what he gets for slave-like devotion...

Kind of following this Harry Potter plagiarism case for two reasons:

1. I love the books and like my dog, my ears perk up whenever anything Potter is mentioned in the news.
2. I am torn between J.K. Rowling keeping the integrity of her name and her work, but I also don't get why a billionaire feels the need to trample the people who made her so rich in the first place.

And after reading about the guy she's suing I feel even worse for him than I did before. After testimony in court yesterday, he got the derivation of the charm "alohomora" wrong (yes, dork flag is rising as I type) and Rowling, with a cold icy British glare I imagine, corrected him. Instead of slumping in the stands dejected, he gets very excited that he found another Potter fact to store in his huge brain, despite the fact that the woman is suing his ass. And this was after he cried in court.
Awww...nerds are sweet, have a heart J.K.

link via Gothamist

At the end of the day, it's just music

Alicia Keys apparently has given some kind of an interview where she says gangsta rap doesn't exist and that it was made up to get Black people to kill each other. I kind of get what she is saying but it seems kind of hypocritical to comment on violence in our communities when she was in the extremely violent (and god awfully bad) movie, Smokin Aces. Young impressionable black kids are just as likely to emulate her bounty hunter character as they are NWA or Tupac or Biggie. It's not about a vast government conspiracy, it's about idol worship.

Rappers like Tupac fed off of their own hype as gangsta rappers and that is why they are no longer with us. As far as them being Black leaders...eh, that might be stretching it a bit. Icons certainly, I don't know about leaders. Keys should know better than anyone that music is a business and when something is hot, record execs will take it and run with it.That's not just the government's fault, it's the entertainment industry. Violence and the way our country perpetuates it is the root of the problem, not music. Case in point, this unfortunate occurrence back in the early nineties: (don't act like you don't remember when MC Hammer went gangsta for like a week...)











link via AP
image via tbn networks

Together Forever

4:18 on the B train...my Ipod on shuffle, got all A.I. on me and totally rickrolled me today. Still don't know what the whole Rick Astley as object of comic entertainment thing is about but hey, I can roll (no pun intended) with some things. Anyway, I have had an intense nostalgic love for his two best known songs for years...when my sister was about 8 or 9 she got a Casio keyboard for Christmas. The demo song was not "Never gonna give you up" but "Together Forever", which is basically the same song with some minor adjustments but I still love it. Wait a minute, does that mean we were the first ever to be in on the joke, when Rick Astley was actually still famous? And how should I feel right now admitting that I consciously downloaded two Rick Astley songs to my ipod two years ago? Damn Proud, that's how.

It's better now

Some might think this to be blasphemy in its most perverse form:

I watched The Way We Were last night...for the first time.

I have to say...can I please be put in a time machine and transported into Robert Redford's arms circa 1973? I'm just saying. Barbra is fabulous and everything but god-damn Hubble!

And her nails bothered me...you don't really see nails like that unless you're hanging outside a Korean nail shop Sat. before church or down south before an outdoor crunk concert.

Some other movies that I have only recently seen for the first time for whatever reason:

Pretty Woman- about 2 years ago
When Harry Met Sally- last year
Love Story- a few months ago (I was sick, it was on Starz)

Only sensing a little bit of a pattern here....my only regret is that watching it the second and third times will not be nearly as satisfying...ok, twenty-ninth and thirtieth times.

A Strange and Interesting Phenomenon

Snagged the title of this post from one of my all time favorite movies...just pondering why is it that engaging in one form of intense activity seemingly cancels out the other one? In my case it's writing. In less than a month, I have turned out two finished short screenplays and am down and dirty in the middle of a feature length. It's fairly intense, as I will find myself writing for hours but physically, no time has gone by. Kind of like being drunk. Anyway, the point is, aside from being ravaged with illness earlier this month, this is the first thing I have posted in a long time because while I think nothing of flipping open the Macbook and powering up Movie Magic (I can be a shameless little plugger sometimes) I find myself actually having to force myself to blog, which up until a month ago, I have been fairly dedicated to. I hate the word "blog" by the way. Why do we have to dumb ourselves down by abbreviating everything? I was kind of inexplicably mad when McDonald's decided to change their name to Mickey D's (little things get me fired up) but was incensed when the National Geographic Channel went for the catchy: "Nat Geo" No. It is not clever, it is not hip. It's actually pretty stupid and unnecessary, ruining great memories I had of watching National Geographic on TBS as a kid before I went to bed...oh well. Yeah, so what was I talking about? Oh yeah. writing...

Is that really necessary?

A previous post about the appendix being removed from the mouth was bad. It made me uneasy and fed my fear of hospitals even more. So why would the medical community go and do this to me? I picture a bunch of doctors sitting around (maybe passing a narcotic substance) and one of them goes: "You know what would be funny...?" My insides are writhing as I type. Why I ask, why?

link via Science Daily

Stuff this Black person actually likes

When I first clicked on this link, I was like, oh no, not another one! These Stuff (insert race) People Like blogs are popping up EVERYWHERE. However, I was mildly surprised when I realized that Stuff Black People Hate is ridiculously random, amusingly hateful (if there is such a thing) and actually kind of funny.

The guy who writes it reminds me of that one kid you knew in college who would chill in your room and crack everyone up as he sat there and went off for three hours about all the people and things in the world he hated and what he would do to them if he got the chance. It usually involved firearms or explosives. This kid would always be wearing the same thing and read alot of comic books and this gave you reason to fear him, just a little. He never understood why everyone found him so amusing but didn't care and would leave your room abruptly after stealing some Ramen noodles.

In other words, I recommend it.

The guy who started all of this (i think) just got a book deal. Finding out that he is Canadian doesn't seem to sit well with me though. Hmmmm......

links via: Stuff Black People Hate, Gawker

Pauly shore is a severely unrecognized talent

Let me first preface this by saying, shut the F**K up Pauly Shore. Obviously Barack's ( yes, we are now on a first name basis) speech was lost on some, but hopefully not many. So Pauly Shore is just as funny if not funnier than Katt Williams? Really? I take back what I said about Spitzer needing some of what Bush is smoking. He needs to call this guy's dealer, quick.

Some keen observations from the genius behind Bio Dome:

• White people will be picking cotton very soon.
• The hierarchy of race is Persians (wtf), some Polish people, maybe some Jews and Black people at the top.
• He's a natural born comedian because he happened to be the offspring of a guy who owned a comedy club.

We'll see if I ever watch Son-In-Law at 3 in the morning on the CW anymore.
People have been saying this is some kind of joke but isn't that the thing about being Pauly Shore? He's not funny.
Let me end this by saying Shut the f**k up Pauly Shore.

Tell it, Barack.

In a recent session of a Media Theory class I'm taking for grad school, the inevitable subject of race and gender popped up. My class has (surprisingly...I'm used to being the only one) more than a few Black students but that day, I was the only one to show up. The question of whether things were getting better in this country was asked. The white students were tight- lipped. I got anxious, trying to form the right words in my head so as not to offend anybody.

Do I say what I really feel and become the angry black woman to a bunch of kids who up until know only knew me as the amiable girl who watched way too many eighties movies? Do I play it safe and give an optimistic, idealistic answer but then kick myself hours later on the train as I replay the answer in my head over and over again but still maintain my status as "safe" with the white students in my class?

Everyone was poised, looking at me to deliver the answer. I ultimately spoke my mind, I got funny looks, uncomfortable silence. And I felt strange afterwards. Not only did I out myself as someone who is very angry about the world I live in, but I also made my classmates think that all Black people think this way. Of course, all of this is in my head, I might never know what they really think of me, but the constant frustration and yes, (shock of all shocks) anger and stunted hope that comes with being a person of color in this country is very real. I am not too sensitive and no, I do not need to get over it. I am not living in the past, nor do I want to ever forget it. I would be lying if I said that much of what Jeremiah Wright didn't strike a chord in me, made me proud someone was speaking up. Just like I would be lying if I said that I didn't sometimes stereotype some white people without truly knowing them first. This speech honestly brought a few tears to my eyes. Empty, naive rhetoric? I think it's time to put that accusation to rest.

Yay

Congratulations to David Paterson on being sworn in as my state's new, first ever Black governor. Everyone seems to like him so that's encouraging.

2008 is going by too slow....

Both of my best friends/ roommates in college were economics majors. They used to talk about "the market" and business trends and patterns and when I was listening, it was always like: heh? I am chronically right-brained and have never really thought about this elusive thing called the economy mostly because it involves numbers and those things make my head hurt. Anyway, all of a sudden, the economy is everywhere, you can't turn on the TV or open a paper or turn to NY1 without it being the top story when they do NY minute. (Love that!)

So I suspected something was fishy when some guy who apparently controls ALL the money started changing interest rates and the banks were just starting to feel the sub-prime mortgage disaster (for the record, I was aware of that because most of the people losing their houses on the East Coast were Black & Latino) and now, Bear Stearns is going extinct and we are on the verge or are already in a recession. If things get any worse, I might have to dust off my K1000 and shoot for the WPA. OK my bad, that wasn't funny.

Anyway, last week, after waiting for a bus that never came and then stuck in traffic in a cab on the West Side Highway for thirty minutes I realized that Bush was in town and then realizing that I hardly ever think about him anymore gave me a bit of hope until 1010 Wins gave the details of his speech. Apparently, nothing is wrong with the economy and people need to lighten up. Thanks for that, George W. Between the war that's going so well, and American tax dollars having to help fix a trillion-dollar deficit, everything is roses and I needed him to come all the way to NYC, screw up traffic all afternoon to tell me that. The worst part is I can't help but feeling his giddy optimism isn't a Nero fiddling while Rome burns type of thing but more of a: whew, whoever has to clean up this mess is really up shit's creek type of thing. This guy needs a smack, seriously. Eliot Spitzer could use some of what he's smoking right about now.

links via: NY Times, Huffington Post, AP

heh?

Advances in Science and medicine never cease to amaze me. However, if for any reason I need my appendix taken out, please, NO DETAILS! In California, they've figured out that possibly removing one's appendix from the mouth speeds up the healing process, lessens the amount of incisions that need to be made. That's all well and good but personally, I could never eat again without having latent flashbacks of appendix- to - mouth contact. Eating over-ripe peaches or Jello would never be the same. It also makes me think of the Frog scene from Pan's Labyrinth. I know, I'm sorry. Eww.


link via Science Daily
image via USA Today

Labeling people is the new Black

Stuff white people like is a funny and entertaining blog. I fully admit that and I also admit that even though it can be taken literally (I love the comments: "OMG! I'm White and that is so me! This blog rocks!") I prefer to take it with a grain of salt because as someone who is not white, even I squirmed a bit at some of the generalizations made about my Caucasoid brethren.

I knew it was only a matter of time before labeling specific kinds of people with dead-pan sarcastic, anthropological commentary would catch on. When I found the Stuff Educated Black People Like blog, my first instinct was not to take it seriously and then I thought, "Am I offended?" and then I remembered how hard I was trying not to laugh at this link to a link courtesy of Dlisted (I'm sorry. And damn you/love you Micheal K...) and then I remembered how much does not surprise or offend me anymore.

The thing is, loathe and amused as I am to admit it, both blogs speak to me quite a bit. If my collective experiences didn't lead me to be so damn self- aware all the time, I'd be more confused than Tiger Woods, Jessica Alba, Mariah Carey, Rob Schneider and Jennifer Tilly at a family reunion. (I'm just saying.) The thing also is, Black identity is not so cut and dry as this blog makes it out to be and just a thought : does stating that the blog was created to separate educated Black people from uneducated Black people help things much? I think not. I know alot of "educated" Black people that I'd like to smack repeatedly, the main reason being this constant need to divide a people, their own people, people who are notoriously struggling with the idea of "unity".

And for the record, I'm 50% educated Black person, 30% ghetto (in the fried Bologna/ mayo ketchup salad dressing sense of the word) 15% cornball, 65% romantic daydreamer, 25%bitch, 33%goody- two shoes, and 14%weirdo. Where's the blog about my kind?

links via: Dlisted, Stuff White people Like, Stuff Educated Black People Like

It's only a matter of time....

Do we really want James Cameron, self proclaimed king of the world to tell us "I told you so?". About a year ago I downloaded Second Life because it seemed a natural progression as I had been steadily playing the SIMS for Hours and HOURS. Two days into it, I deleted my account and the software from my laptop. Why? Because it was all too much. We are detached more and more everyday from what is perceived as real. It certainly does not help matters that people's marriages are being ruined because of a video game. I repeat, a video game. A somewhat groundbreaking one, but a video game nonetheless.

So now, just because they can, the evil geniuses of Second Life and some "researchers"(she says with raised eyebrow) are conspiring to create characters that think and reason like a 4 year old child. It's name is Eddie. I don't now what's creepier. A computer program that can play on our sympathies or that they chose to name him Eddie. I say both. Both are equally disturbing. So when your computer turns on you in the not too distant future with some smart ass comment about how the revolution is coming, don't say you weren't warned. Cameron predicted it.

links via Science Daily & Reuters

Yes!

If The Onion Movie proves to be as gloriously pointless and absurd as this trailer and the Onion itself, then I am defeintely excited. Cockpuncher? It doesn't get any better. Steven Seagal will prove to be a national treasure after this role. (i'm only joking a little) Straight to DVD's always get me a little wary but this one is probably right on the mark. Half the time, just the headlines of stories in the Onion are enough to get me through the day. I can't picture myself sitting in a movie theater watching this but since I have recently watched "Tenacious D and the Pick of Destiny" for three weekends straight, this movie is destined to become a cult classic with the sarcasm loving, random word association loving set. All hail silliness.

Chop Shop

Chop Shop is a surprisingly sweet and sadly realistic portrayal of a young boy who hustles everyday working in a garage in Queens. Shot like a documentary, the camera follows Alejandro, (played excellently by 12 year old Alejandro Polanco) as he lifts and carries car parts that are bigger than him, haggles with customers and witnesses things that most children would or should not see. The story begins with Ale finding his sister Isamar (played by Isamar Gonzales) who has presumably, been living in a group home. She moves in with him in a cramped room above the chop shop where they earn their keep.
Director Rahmin Baharani chose to tell the story of the loss of innocence with an unapologetic eye, never going into extreme detail about the circumstances of these children's lives but what they do to maneuver their way through it. The center of the story is Ale's relationship with his sister, which becomes strained by Ale uncovering a secret about Isamar that devastates him. Dealing with what he has discovered while at the same time trying to fulfill his goal of owning a food truck is fascinating to watch. Polanco's performance as a kid wise beyond his years, tough but still very vulnerable is what carries this film from beginning to end.

Chop Shop is playing at the Film Forum until March 11.

link via IMDB

It's not over yet...

Hillary won three states, Obama is still in the lead. My least favorite subject in school could be the big decider...not settling for a dream ticket just yet.

Lying is the new black

Oprah, come get these two! Misha Defonseca and Margaret Seltzer were two people who up until a week ago, I had never heard of and probably didn't care much about what with Obama and trying to get my freakin' Master's burning streams of random, paranoid and hopeful thought into my brain. I'd like to think of myself as a truly literary person but I read books usually two at a time and then nothing for months. After Harry Potter, what else is there? (kidding, a little.)

Anyway, who are these broads and who do I need to hook up with to publish a fake memoir? Compared to most other professions, it seems like easy money. Anyway, one of them lied about her experiences during the Holocaust (shame). Turns out she is not Jewish and incredibly enough, was not raised by wolves in the forests of Europe while single handedly fighting Nazis with her bare hands. There was even a film made about her life, which is a no-brainer because the producers probably read it and thought it was another Rambo sequel.

The other, which is my favorite, claimed to be half White, half Native- American, grew up a foster child in South Central LA and became a gang-banger or close confidante of said gang- bangers, the details don't really matter do they? The reality is that she's a suburban kid who apparently couldn't deal with the hardships of growing up upper middle class. She's been making the media rounds just as much as James Frey lately and I smell a fictional book coming, even though technically she already wrote it. Has writing fake accounts of one's life become the new 15 minutes? This should be a reality show...."America's Next Top Delusional Writer who's Publishers won't be bothered with silly things like fact- checking." What's especially hilarious and disheartening about what is really considered newsworthy is this piece by the Times before she was caught. A white girl who says "homies" and can use the term ghetto in conversation without it being ironic seemed to have them salivating. The whole article is written with inspired awe, a homage to cooking soul food and raising pit bulls, cause you know, that's all Black people do. (sigh)

links via The New York Times & Gawker

With baited breath....

I think it's safe to say Texas owes us one. Let's make history people! Props to Hillary as well...she would have put up a hell of a fight.

Raise your hand if you would like to ban catch phrase movies...

I fell just short of harboring violent thoughts when one of my best friends asked me if I wanted to see Step up 2: The Streets (clever!) I chalked her suggestion up to a serious lapse in judgment, possibly sleep or food deprivation....anyway,for the love of all that is right with this world, the producers of Step Up need to be stopped. Now. Their new cinematic masterpiece is called Never Back Down. Djimon Honsou cannot be blamed for wanting a quick paycheck, for capitalizing off of the hotness that he is, right? Who knows, the movie might even be slightly watchable. One wonders if these people are trolling around those tourist trap t-shirt stores in Times Square looking for movie titles. What's the next one going to be, In it to Win it, or Drop that Zero: Get with This Hero? (They can have that one for free.)

I blame Stomp the Yard and You got Served...no wait, those had mostly all- black casts and the first rule of catch phrase movies is that they have to star at least one tough, inner city- white kid, or an attractive white ballet dancer girl who ends up falling in love with the tough inner city white kid. So I blame Save the Last Dance and for that matter, Bring it On and Stick It and Raise Your Voice and...oh crap, you get the point. Enough already with the inspirational three- word titles. (Although, I did like Bring it On...spirit fingers!)

link via IMDB

small observation...

Ashanti is back. If you read that fragmented sentence with the same level of enthusiasm I had when I typed it, that just about says it all. Don't get me wrong, her songs were cute, catchy, heavily reliant on expensive production beats. There was just almost something I found a tad bit annoying about her, I don't know. Of course she has been replaced by the queen of annoying catchy music, Beyonce and this is my reason for posting. Isn't this video just basically a Beyonce video but with someone else singing it? Same art direction, very similar costume choices, same cheesy, pointless melodrama. Originality, where art thou?

link via Spike TV

Jane Fonda is my new hero...sort of, for today.

Not going to waste time explaining this because it's been done already. Just watch it and laugh and then laugh some more at Meredith Viera's "apology".



And then laugh some more because Jane Fonda is an old lady who knew exactly what the hell she was saying. Diane Keaton was my hero, sort of, a couple of weeks ago for this. What is going on with old ladies lately? If this is what I have to look forward to then god, I can't wait. I'm going to be a mess. A hot mess.

heh?

Sometimes irony is not a good thing. Say for instance, when you're writing a humor column and you compare two photographs of two black men who look nothing alike and one of them is wearing sunglasses. Maybe it's ironic because it's not funny but then that actually makes it funny for like a second...wait, no, it's not funny and now my head hurts. (sigh) If the media is trying so hard to prove that things are getting better in this country, they might want to start by not saying all Black people look alike. Just a thought....then again something tells me thought was not a factor when this NY Times "piece" (that term is being used sooooo loosely right now) was written. (sigh again)

Ridiculousness courtesy of The New York Times

Could this be a perfect day?

I swear, it's like someone said: "Here you go, you earned it, smile all day."
This was Tuesday:
Cable went out (sucks)
Dead tired from class (sucks in a good way, kind of)
Passed out with my shoes on.

Wednesday Morning:
1010 WINS (best morning radio station when you need to wake the hell up) Announces that Obama is in the lead, and....Uno the beagle, who is almost as cute as my Baby, won Westminster, for the first time ever. I am constantly torn about the fact that I love Dog shows but my own children will never get to be in one. However, I love the beagle and this one is so cute I want to wretch. Which makes today perfect! (Even with all the rain which I don't even mind cause I get to strut in my bubble umbrella which I LOVE.) Yay...life is good, for today at least.

Pics via: Boston.com, Meetup.com

Cloverfield makes a good point about gentrification.

Cloverfield was sort of good in a very "well it didn't suck" kind of way. Even though I was close to getting very nauseous, (it could have been the raisinet laced popcorn though) the shaky camera work meshed well with the special effects without ever being too obvious or cheesy. What bothered me about the film were a number of things regarding what would really happen in NYC in the event (even though there was a scene reminiscent of 9/11) a gigantic slimy monster thingy attacked the city.

For instance, what was with the automatic decision to run over the Brooklyn bridge to safety? Any New Yorker would know that, just like during 9/11, all was calm and peaceful uptown. Assuming that I didn't know the army was going to (spoiler alert) blow up Manhattan, my ass would have been on the first available train, bus, bike, Segway, or I would of hoofed it straight to Harlem and the Bronx. I mean really. And what was up with the subway scene? I would have loved to be a fly on the wall in that production meeting. Not only did the Spring St. Station look like someone just basically said "F**K it" and guessed what a NYC subway should look like, but getting from the village to 59th st in what seemed like less than an hr? Once that scene happened it kind of distracted me from the rest of the movie. And funny how no one was concerned about the third rail. Did we not see Beat Street? Forgive me for being such a NY snob but it drives me nuts when movies get it all wrong. Like when they stick the Empire state building, or the Chrysler building right in the middle of an intersection instead of in the avenue where they really belong, just so they can blow them up.

Which brings me to my clever title about the rampant and depressing surge of gentrification that is taking over the best parts of NYC. If those kids were real New Yorkers, they probably would have been in the Cloverfield sequel. But like all other twenty- something up and coming young professionals, the whole party scene reeked of the scourge of fair weather New Yorkers who come to party, live in cramped, over priced apartments, (that are overpriced because they will pay for it) pretend to be a part of the city when they won't go past 86th street and then leave, to spend their disposable incomes in the suburbs.

Which leads me to another point, as I increasingly stray from the original point about this movie which, the more I think of it was just aiight. Why do I always feel like I just asked something extremely personal when I inquire about whether someone is a Native New Yorker or not? If one says that they are from new York, it implies that they are born there, no? I've had more than a few uncomfortable conversations with people (mostly women) who seem almost ashamed to admit that they are not Native New Yorkers, who quickly inform me that they have lived in NY for at least five years and then are real quick to rattle off a bunch of trendy wine bars in Brooklyn that I must go to. What gives? I call it city envy.

Even though it's painfully obvious nowadays, (hint: despite a certain myth about New Yorkers being rude, it's actually the other way around!) I don't particularly care who is from New York and who isn't. What I do care about is the soul slowly being sucked out of the city I grew up in because the rich and affected want to use it as their playground and then bail when it becomes too real. It saddens me, makes me contemplate running to the suburbs my damn self. OK, I take that back. No WAY am I moving to Queens! (haha) But I am losing faith. Especially after watching Cloverfield. Now, the more that I think about it, it kind of sucked, just a little. Oh well.

link via Stuff White People Like (hilarious)
image via IWatchStuff

heh?

Marion Jones' unfortunate (and stupid) choice to juice it up for the Olympics doesn't particularly surprise me. Neither do all these baseball guys (probably all guilty) or even 50 cent or Timbaland (file that under duh...) but Wyclef? If true, may I suggest upping the dosage? Um.......Mary J. Blige? What in the r&b mess? She is kind of a statuesque lady...maybe she was feeling the pressure to continue to look good in heels. (heels do a number on your legs, back, butt, everything. I know!) Or maybe she was just training to be able to keep up with this guy:



FABULOUS! Am only a little embarrassed to admit that he dances like me! Or me like him? Oh well, now there's something else to over think while I'm trying to look cool on the dance floor with as little movement as possible.