Monday, March 31, 2008

Is that really necessary?

A previous post about the appendix being removed from the mouth was bad. It made me uneasy and fed my fear of hospitals even more. So why would the medical community go and do this to me? I picture a bunch of doctors sitting around (maybe passing a narcotic substance) and one of them goes: "You know what would be funny...?" My insides are writhing as I type. Why I ask, why?

link via Science Daily

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Stuff this Black person actually likes

When I first clicked on this link, I was like, oh no, not another one! These Stuff (insert race) People Like blogs are popping up EVERYWHERE. However, I was mildly surprised when I realized that Stuff Black People Hate is ridiculously random, amusingly hateful (if there is such a thing) and actually kind of funny.

The guy who writes it reminds me of that one kid you knew in college who would chill in your room and crack everyone up as he sat there and went off for three hours about all the people and things in the world he hated and what he would do to them if he got the chance. It usually involved firearms or explosives. This kid would always be wearing the same thing and read alot of comic books and this gave you reason to fear him, just a little. He never understood why everyone found him so amusing but didn't care and would leave your room abruptly after stealing some Ramen noodles.

In other words, I recommend it.

The guy who started all of this (i think) just got a book deal. Finding out that he is Canadian doesn't seem to sit well with me though. Hmmmm......

links via: Stuff Black People Hate, Gawker

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Pauly shore is a severely unrecognized talent

Let me first preface this by saying, shut the F**K up Pauly Shore. Obviously Barack's ( yes, we are now on a first name basis) speech was lost on some, but hopefully not many. So Pauly Shore is just as funny if not funnier than Katt Williams? Really? I take back what I said about Spitzer needing some of what Bush is smoking. He needs to call this guy's dealer, quick.

Some keen observations from the genius behind Bio Dome:

  • White people will be picking cotton very soon.
  • The hierarchy of race is Persians (wtf), some Polish people, maybe some Jews and Black people at the top.
  • He's a natural born comedian because he happened to be the offspring of a guy who owned a comedy club.

We'll see if I ever watch Son-In-Law at 3 in the morning on the CW anymore.
People have been saying this is some kind of joke but isn't that the thing about being Pauly Shore? He's not funny.
Let me end this by saying Shut the f**k up Pauly Shore.

Tell it, Barack.

In a recent session of a Media Theory class I'm taking for grad school, the inevitable subject of race and gender popped up. My class has (surprisingly...I'm used to being the only one) more than a few Black students but that day, I was the only one to show up. The question of whether things were getting better in this country was asked. The white students were tight- lipped. I got anxious, trying to form the right words in my head so as not to offend anybody.

Do I say what I really feel and become the angry black woman to a bunch of kids who up until know only knew me as the amiable girl who watched way too many eighties movies? Do I play it safe and give an optimistic, idealistic answer but then kick myself hours later on the train as I replay the answer in my head over and over again but still maintain my status as "safe" with the white students in my class?

Everyone was poised, looking at me to deliver the answer. I ultimately spoke my mind, I got funny looks, uncomfortable silence. And I felt strange afterwards. Not only did I out myself as someone who is very angry about the world I live in, but I also made my classmates think that all Black people think this way. Of course, all of this is in my head, I might never know what they really think of me, but the constant frustration and yes, (shock of all shocks) anger and stunted hope that comes with being a person of color in this country is very real. I am not too sensitive and no, I do not need to get over it. I am not living in the past, nor do I want to ever forget it. I would be lying if I said that much of what Jeremiah Wright didn't strike a chord in me, made me proud someone was speaking up. Just like I would be lying if I said that I didn't sometimes stereotype some white people without truly knowing them first. This speech honestly brought a few tears to my eyes. Empty, naive rhetoric? I think it's time to put that accusation to rest.

Monday, March 17, 2008


Congratulations to David Paterson on being sworn in as my state's new, first ever Black governor. Everyone seems to like him so that's encouraging.

2008 is going by too slow....

Both of my best friends/ roommates in college were economics majors. They used to talk about "the market" and business trends and patterns and when I was listening, it was always like: heh? I am chronically right-brained and have never really thought about this elusive thing called the economy mostly because it involves numbers and those things make my head hurt. Anyway, all of a sudden, the economy is everywhere, you can't turn on the TV or open a paper or turn to NY1 without it being the top story when they do NY minute. (Love that!)

So I suspected something was fishy when some guy who apparently controls ALL the money started changing interest rates and the banks were just starting to feel the sub-prime mortgage disaster (for the record, I was aware of that because most of the people losing their houses on the East Coast were Black & Latino) and now, Bear Stearns is going extinct and we are on the verge or are already in a recession. If things get any worse, I might have to dust off my K1000 and shoot for the WPA. OK my bad, that wasn't funny.

Anyway, last week, after waiting for a bus that never came and then stuck in traffic in a cab on the West Side Highway for thirty minutes I realized that Bush was in town and then realizing that I hardly ever think about him anymore gave me a bit of hope until 1010 Wins gave the details of his speech. Apparently, nothing is wrong with the economy and people need to lighten up. Thanks for that, George W. Between the war that's going so well, and American tax dollars having to help fix a trillion-dollar deficit, everything is roses and I needed him to come all the way to NYC, screw up traffic all afternoon to tell me that. The worst part is I can't help but feeling his giddy optimism isn't a Nero fiddling while Rome burns type of thing but more of a: whew, whoever has to clean up this mess is really up shit's creek type of thing. This guy needs a smack, seriously. Eliot Spitzer could use some of what he's smoking right about now.

links via: NY Times, Huffington Post, AP


Advances in Science and medicine never cease to amaze me. However, if for any reason I need my appendix taken out, please, NO DETAILS! In California, they've figured out that possibly removing one's appendix from the mouth speeds up the healing process, lessens the amount of incisions that need to be made. That's all well and good but personally, I could never eat again without having latent flashbacks of appendix- to - mouth contact. Eating over-ripe peaches or Jello would never be the same. It also makes me think of the Frog scene from Pan's Labyrinth. I know, I'm sorry. Eww.

link via Science Daily
image via USA Today

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Labeling people is the new Black

Stuff white people like is a funny and entertaining blog. I fully admit that and I also admit that even though it can be taken literally (I love the comments: "OMG! I'm White and that is so me! This blog rocks!") I prefer to take it with a grain of salt because as someone who is not white, even I squirmed a bit at some of the generalizations made about my Caucasoid brethren.

I knew it was only a matter of time before labeling specific kinds of people with dead-pan sarcastic, anthropological commentary would catch on. When I found the Stuff Educated Black People Like blog, my first instinct was not to take it seriously and then I thought, "Am I offended?" and then I remembered how hard I was trying not to laugh at this link to a link courtesy of Dlisted (I'm sorry. And damn you/love you Micheal K...) and then I remembered how much does not surprise or offend me anymore.

The thing is, loathe and amused as I am to admit it, both blogs speak to me quite a bit. If my collective experiences didn't lead me to be so damn self- aware all the time, I'd be more confused than Tiger Woods, Jessica Alba, Mariah Carey, Rob Schneider and Jennifer Tilly at a family reunion. (I'm just saying.) The thing also is, Black identity is not so cut and dry as this blog makes it out to be and just a thought : does stating that the blog was created to separate educated Black people from uneducated Black people help things much? I think not. I know alot of "educated" Black people that I'd like to smack repeatedly, the main reason being this constant need to divide a people, their own people, people who are notoriously struggling with the idea of "unity".

And for the record, I'm 50% educated Black person, 30% ghetto (in the fried Bologna/ mayo ketchup salad dressing sense of the word) 15% cornball, 65% romantic daydreamer, 25%bitch, 33%goody- two shoes, and 14%weirdo. Where's the blog about my kind?

links via: Dlisted, Stuff White people Like, Stuff Educated Black People Like

Monday, March 10, 2008

It's only a matter of time....

Do we really want James Cameron, self proclaimed king of the world to tell us "I told you so?". About a year ago I downloaded Second Life because it seemed a natural progression as I had been steadily playing the SIMS for Hours and HOURS. Two days into it, I deleted my account and the software from my laptop. Why? Because it was all too much. We are detached more and more everyday from what is perceived as real. It certainly does not help matters that people's marriages are being ruined because of a video game. I repeat, a video game. A somewhat groundbreaking one, but a video game nonetheless.

So now, just because they can, the evil geniuses of Second Life and some "researchers"(she says with raised eyebrow) are conspiring to create characters that think and reason like a 4 year old child. It's name is Eddie. I don't now what's creepier. A computer program that can play on our sympathies or that they chose to name him Eddie. I say both. Both are equally disturbing. So when your computer turns on you in the not too distant future with some smart ass comment about how the revolution is coming, don't say you weren't warned. Cameron predicted it.

links via Science Daily & Reuters

Sunday, March 9, 2008


If The Onion Movie proves to be as gloriously pointless and absurd as this trailer and the Onion itself, then I am defeintely excited. Cockpuncher? It doesn't get any better. Steven Seagal will prove to be a national treasure after this role. (i'm only joking a little) Straight to DVD's always get me a little wary but this one is probably right on the mark. Half the time, just the headlines of stories in the Onion are enough to get me through the day. I can't picture myself sitting in a movie theater watching this but since I have recently watched "Tenacious D and the Pick of Destiny" for three weekends straight, this movie is destined to become a cult classic with the sarcasm loving, random word association loving set. All hail silliness.

Friday, March 7, 2008

Chop Shop

Chop Shop is a surprisingly sweet and sadly realistic portrayal of a young boy who hustles everyday working in a garage in Queens. Shot like a documentary, the camera follows Alejandro, (played excellently by 12 year old Alejandro Polanco) as he lifts and carries car parts that are bigger than him, haggles with customers and witnesses things that most children would or should not see. The story begins with Ale finding his sister Isamar (played by Isamar Gonzales) who has presumably, been living in a group home. She moves in with him in a cramped room above the chop shop where they earn their keep.
Director Rahmin Baharani chose to tell the story of the loss of innocence with an unapologetic eye, never going into extreme detail about the circumstances of these children's lives but what they do to maneuver their way through it. The center of the story is Ale's relationship with his sister, which becomes strained by Ale uncovering a secret about Isamar that devastates him. Dealing with what he has discovered while at the same time trying to fulfill his goal of owning a food truck is fascinating to watch. Polanco's performance as a kid wise beyond his years, tough but still very vulnerable is what carries this film from beginning to end.

Chop Shop is playing at the Film Forum until March 11.

link via IMDB

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

It's not over yet...

Hillary won three states, Obama is still in the lead. My least favorite subject in school could be the big decider...not settling for a dream ticket just yet.

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Lying is the new black

Oprah, come get these two! Misha Defonseca and Margaret Seltzer were two people who up until a week ago, I had never heard of and probably didn't care much about what with Obama and trying to get my freakin' Master's burning streams of random, paranoid and hopeful thought into my brain. I'd like to think of myself as a truly literary person but I read books usually two at a time and then nothing for months. After Harry Potter, what else is there? (kidding, a little.)

Anyway, who are these broads and who do I need to hook up with to publish a fake memoir? Compared to most other professions, it seems like easy money. Anyway, one of them lied about her experiences during the Holocaust (shame). Turns out she is not Jewish and incredibly enough, was not raised by wolves in the forests of Europe while single handedly fighting Nazis with her bare hands. There was even a film made about her life, which is a no-brainer because the producers probably read it and thought it was another Rambo sequel.

The other, which is my favorite, claimed to be half White, half Native- American, grew up a foster child in South Central LA and became a gang-banger or close confidante of said gang- bangers, the details don't really matter do they? The reality is that she's a suburban kid who apparently couldn't deal with the hardships of growing up upper middle class. She's been making the media rounds just as much as James Frey lately and I smell a fictional book coming, even though technically she already wrote it. Has writing fake accounts of one's life become the new 15 minutes? This should be a reality show...."America's Next Top Delusional Writer who's Publishers won't be bothered with silly things like fact- checking." What's especially hilarious and disheartening about what is really considered newsworthy is this piece by the Times before she was caught. A white girl who says "homies" and can use the term ghetto in conversation without it being ironic seemed to have them salivating. The whole article is written with inspired awe, a homage to cooking soul food and raising pit bulls, cause you know, that's all Black people do. (sigh)

links via The New York Times & Gawker

With baited breath....

I think it's safe to say Texas owes us one. Let's make history people! Props to Hillary as well...she would have put up a hell of a fight.

Sunday, March 2, 2008

Raise your hand if you would like to ban catch phrase movies...

I fell just short of harboring violent thoughts when one of my best friends asked me if I wanted to see Step up 2: The Streets (clever!) I chalked her suggestion up to a serious lapse in judgment, possibly sleep or food deprivation....anyway,for the love of all that is right with this world, the producers of Step Up need to be stopped. Now. Their new cinematic masterpiece is called Never Back Down. Djimon Honsou cannot be blamed for wanting a quick paycheck, for capitalizing off of the hotness that he is, right? Who knows, the movie might even be slightly watchable. One wonders if these people are trolling around those tourist trap t-shirt stores in Times Square looking for movie titles. What's the next one going to be, In it to Win it, or Drop that Zero: Get with This Hero? (They can have that one for free.)

I blame Stomp the Yard and You got wait, those had mostly all- black casts and the first rule of catch phrase movies is that they have to star at least one tough, inner city- white kid, or an attractive white ballet dancer girl who ends up falling in love with the tough inner city white kid. So I blame Save the Last Dance and for that matter, Bring it On and Stick It and Raise Your Voice and...oh crap, you get the point. Enough already with the inspirational three- word titles. (Although, I did like Bring it On...spirit fingers!)

link via IMDB