um...what?

I'm all for good bedside manner but this might be taking that a tad bit too far.
A lollipop or a sticker is just not enough these days I guess.

GO SEE WALL-E GO SEE WALL-E GO SEE WALL-E....

I was armed with all the cynicism in my 30-year old body and sadly, it melted away in less than five minutes. I must preface this by saying that I am a die-hard fan of traditional hand drawn animation and have not been sucked into the Pixar wave, no matter how creative or groundbreaking their films are. I like Finding Nemo alot, everything else for me is just ok. Until last night. Where do I begin? The eerie post apocalyptic New York set to sadly beautiful big band music? The breathtaking space scenes, the commentary on the future of this world if it is run into the ground by corporations, or simply the fact that the little robot had only one real line and every time he said it, I couldn't help but smile. Aw shucks, I LOVED this movie! (And yes, he does look like Johnny 5 but honestly, I always thought Johnny 5 was kind of creepy. This little bastard was just unimaginably cute...and yes, there is an entire website devoted to fans of Short Circuits 1 & 2...I don't judge.) But back to the subject at hand. GO SEE WALL- E! It's that good.

The More Things Change....

Here we go again....I honestly don't know what to say or do anymore without becoming the enraged Black person everyone wants me to be, thinks I am, wishes I was, blah blah blah...this incredibly confusing, "it's cool to be un-PC, but still PC at the same time" era we live in is getting out of control. Did it ever occur to the snarky, (clever in their own heads) people at the New Yorker that they are giving way too many IQ points to a vast majority of Americans and so-called media savvy New Yorkers for that matter? That all the nutbag extremists who still think that the Obamas are closet terrorists won't take this magazine cover and run with it? What makes this so-called liberal magazine any different from the crazy assholes at Fox News? (see, they got me cussin')Or maybe that was the plan from the beginning. Perhaps all the "liberals" who come up with these gems are really hard-core republicans who are so frightened at the prospect of a Black president that they will go these extremes. Whatever the rationale behind this disgraceful "artwork", (Sorry, I'm not buying the satire angle) I am exhausted trying to wrap my head around why people are so resistant to change. It makes me very sad for this country and ALL the people who live in it.

Wtf Jesse Jackson?

(Sigh) Haven't been feeling really bloggy lately nor do I have the energy to tackle this one.

The Wackness

I appreciate movies that are extremely personal to the director, almost autobiographical. It's often the way I write my own stuff and when it's done well, it can be pretty powerful. "The Wackness", starring Ben Kingsley, adorable Josh Peck, the friend from Juno and one of those Olsen twins (still trying to figure out the point of that) is one of those movies. It starts out extremely self- indulgent as the actors didn't seem to be comfortable with the dialogue until the end of the second act and there were some scenes that just seemed a few minutes too long. (the constant references to stuff from 1994 were also kind of annoying) Despite that, this film turns out to be a very sweet, sad , and weird little movie about one of the hottest summers in NYC (I remember), falling in love and dealing with crazy old people. The craziest being Ben Kingsley, who jumps right into his stoner psychiatrist role, weird accent and all. He is so entertaining that it never gets tired and Josh Peck as his 18 year old dealer is almost perfect opposition. Even if you weren't into 90's Hip-Hop ( The soundtrack gave me serious 10th grade flashbacks) it still had something for everyone. What bothered me the most though was Method Man's horrendous accent as a Jamaican drug dealer (They could afford Ben Kingsley but not a dialect coach?) and the insertion of the title in the dialogue which I loathe unless absolutely necessary. The girl from Juno (I know her name just don't feel like typing it) says something like: "I see the dopeness, you see the wackness." Heh? Um, no, just no. Other than that, check it out.

Scattered thoughts, Morning angriness

For the last time...it's a POUND! A DAP if you will...if I hear or read "fist bump"one more time I will (attempt) to scream for 12 hrs straight while simultaneously smacking someone, anyone within handshot upside the head. Why must the media make everything so damn cheesy? I mourn the loss of all the cool and funny things I used to say but now, sadly cannot because it has been adapted by "mainstream" America.

Let's start with the obvious...the Dap. Because it will inevitably turn into this:














The term ghetto:
While many people, Black, white, what have you, find this word offensive, I myself actually enjoyed using it quite a bit back in the day to fondly describe growing up in the projects and making ends meet in the most creative of ways. It's personal nostalgia for me because if you weren't well off growing up and your parents knew what they were doing, you had absolutely no idea that you were in an undesirable situation. (Doesn't everybody use a washcloth and baking soda to brush their teeth when there is no toothpaste or brush around? Hmmm...) I had to put a stop to my affection for the word when ghetto became synonymous with ignorant and when I heard some blonde girl on campus with a sorority shirt on using it completely out of context. "Oh My God! Jello Shots are so freakin' ghetto!" (sigh)

Hot mess:
The beginning of the end started with that God-awful BET show, which I hope is off the air by now. (I only watch the reruns of Different World and Different Strokes) Then along with "fierce", the gays began to use it in full force, which is actually okay because unlike most, when they say it, they mean it. But the term has been used and overused so much, that it's simply time for me to retire it, even though, growing up around Black women all my life, the term is permanently etched into my brain. Maybe I'll just use it on the inside.

On a completely different note, can I just say that Gore Vidal makes me smile? He's old, bitter, sassy, completely and ridiculously intelligent and he doesn't seem to outwardly like anybody or anything. What's not to love? I even liked him when he was being a complete ass in With Honors (Sort of good, very watchable early nineties film). Turns out, he was just being himself. Genius!

link via Gawker

We wear the mask

So because of all this Obama stuff, certain people can't quite seem to grasp the dual nature of being black in this country. After watching this video, all of that should be answered. The effortlessness, the ease at which this anchorman goes from "professional" to "pissed off black guy" is flawless and inspired. Wake up America, we can't be just one kind of Black person all the time...that would make us disingenuous or downright corny. But, as this guy demonstrates, being both is f***ing HILARIOUS.

This is it

Not too long ago, I had the unique opportunity to teach. Some of my kids were absolute angels, others most likely have three numbers tattooed somewhere on their heads. Even though for the most part it was cool, the one thing that bugged me about teaching was that you learn sometimes people need to hear the truth, not what's polite. Like when a kid was out of control and I had to say to a parent: "He has an extremely high energy level and sometimes it's distracting to other students." Bullshit. "Your child has no attention span because all you do is get him hopped up on sugar and violent video games, and honestly, you're not that good of a parent." See the difference? That's the truth.

This is why I think for the sake of this country's sanity someone from the DNC needs to step it up, pull Hilary into a small enclosed space (Where she can't escape) and talk some sense into her. Real Talk, not "Uh, maybe it's time to hang it up" talk. Yes, Obama is the nominee and deservedly so, but imagine how much more of an impact this news would have had if she did the right thing and conceded, maybe convincing some of her less informed voters from states that shall remain nameless that he is the only logical choice for the presidency. Any teacher can tell you, human behavior doesn't change form, just shape. Right now, Hilary is throwing a big fat tantrum.

???????

Just curious....who is my one subscriber? It's not any of my friends and family as I have sadly discovered. Who are you, let's rap a taste. Heaven knows I appreciate you, you've brought me into extreme obscurity rather than complete oblivion. Thanks!

(smooches)

K.

I'm still going to see it

Approaching my twilight years, I am not as much of a Sex and the City fanatic as I used to be. Like so many other New Yorkers, I have always been strangely entranced, delighted and absolutely pissed that Sex & The City exists. No one runs through midtown in four inch heels. Sorry, it just doesn't happen. Just like NO ONE can live on 73rd and 3rd and be perpetually broke as Carrie always was. Rent stabilized Brownstones in Manhattan? They don't exist. Neither do obscenely handsome, intelligent straight guys, or fabulous fleet week parties in some random location in Times Square. What I really feel sorry for are the all the out- of -towners who watch the show and then come to NYC and discover that (gasp) people of color actually live in New York. But I digress.

If you were caught up in the SATC haze as I was, you'll know that the show is a very hard habit to kick, especially now that it's in syndication. If you are not familiar with the haze, it's that 2-3 year period after the final episode aired on HBO where you actually felt sorry for yourself because you were torn between watching something really good, informative or entertaining or pressing play on your remote and watching another season of SATC on demand for literally the 400th time while simultaneously contemplating shelling out $200 for the DVD set. Ask anyone that knows me. It was bad. But again, I digress.

Thank the stars for this TONY article on why the show has been a huge reason for NYC's general downfall into suckage and oblivion. God knows I loves me some NY1 but when that stupid Carmel car commercial comes on, I want to gouge my eyes out with the nearest blunt object. Unlike most local NYC commercials that are so bad they're good, this one is god awfully horrendous and I really wish NY1 would renege on their pact with the devil and stop airing it. That being said, I will still pay 12 bucks and leave the theater two hours later feeling simultaneously dead & fabulous inside.

Link Via Time Out New York

Damn America?

I find myself in a sort of conundrum today...
The thing is, by posting this link to what I consider one of the most reprehensible and vile things about New York, I feel as if I'm only giving in to Internet hype instead of merely backing away. On the other hand, by ignoring the problem, I am potentially giving up on what should be a city-wide boycott of The Post, which is pretty much, unreadable. (My one loyal subscriber, if you're still out there, get to work!) Since I don't read the paper, I wonder if this "writer" reported Russell Crowe's phone throwing antics with the same self-entitled zeal. Or on Lilo Brancato for that matter, who is waiting to stand trial for murder. I'm not excusing stupid acts of violence by rappers but last time I checked a newspaper is supposed to report, not condemn. Not call a human being a "thing". Thanks to Gawker for noting this sad and ridiculous woman who calls herself a reporter. I have no idea why I chose the title for this post, it was the first thing that popped into my head. This was the second thing, quoted from some guy in a documentary some friends of mine are making: "America needs a nation-wide ass whuppin'." Amen.

I'm sorry but it's funny, leave me alone.

I will be hitting (forgive me as my hands shake while I type) the big 3-0 next month. Mentally, it's like yay! I'm older and wiser and smarter and sexier and funnier, I hope. Chronologically it's more like f**k, this concept of time is actually sort of real and I'm caught up in it and there's not a damn thing I can do about it. This is why I am so glad I have the power to amuse myself and lower my good taste and decorum from time to time. I mean, if I can't laugh at the fact that my dog farted so bad in Petland the other day that it kind of made me gag and I had to convince the sales girl for three minutes that it wasn't me, than what good is living?

So I say please forgive me for picking on poor Robert Creamer...I'll give you a moment. He's a very good writer for the Huff Po. His articles about politics and the current election are dead on and insightful. Despite all that, I can never get past the byline without losing it, as I mentioned in my last myspace blog, which is considerably less refined than this one. But Seriously, WTF is up with that Simpson/South Parkesque surname? I am soooo googling the origins of it, assuming it's not NSFW. I kind of hate myself for inserting two web abbreviations phrase thingies. Oh well.

links via Huffington Post, Myspace, South Park Studios

Good Morning New York

50 shots fired. Let's really think about that for a minute. 50 SHOTS. I'm stunned right now. Our flawless justice system prevails again.


link via Gothamist

This is what he gets for slave-like devotion...

Kind of following this Harry Potter plagiarism case for two reasons:

1. I love the books and like my dog, my ears perk up whenever anything Potter is mentioned in the news.
2. I am torn between J.K. Rowling keeping the integrity of her name and her work, but I also don't get why a billionaire feels the need to trample the people who made her so rich in the first place.

And after reading about the guy she's suing I feel even worse for him than I did before. After testimony in court yesterday, he got the derivation of the charm "alohomora" wrong (yes, dork flag is rising as I type) and Rowling, with a cold icy British glare I imagine, corrected him. Instead of slumping in the stands dejected, he gets very excited that he found another Potter fact to store in his huge brain, despite the fact that the woman is suing his ass. And this was after he cried in court.
Awww...nerds are sweet, have a heart J.K.

link via Gothamist

At the end of the day, it's just music

Alicia Keys apparently has given some kind of an interview where she says gangsta rap doesn't exist and that it was made up to get Black people to kill each other. I kind of get what she is saying but it seems kind of hypocritical to comment on violence in our communities when she was in the extremely violent (and god awfully bad) movie, Smokin Aces. Young impressionable black kids are just as likely to emulate her bounty hunter character as they are NWA or Tupac or Biggie. It's not about a vast government conspiracy, it's about idol worship.

Rappers like Tupac fed off of their own hype as gangsta rappers and that is why they are no longer with us. As far as them being Black leaders...eh, that might be stretching it a bit. Icons certainly, I don't know about leaders. Keys should know better than anyone that music is a business and when something is hot, record execs will take it and run with it.That's not just the government's fault, it's the entertainment industry. Violence and the way our country perpetuates it is the root of the problem, not music. Case in point, this unfortunate occurrence back in the early nineties: (don't act like you don't remember when MC Hammer went gangsta for like a week...)











link via AP
image via tbn networks

Together Forever

4:18 on the B train...my Ipod on shuffle, got all A.I. on me and totally rickrolled me today. Still don't know what the whole Rick Astley as object of comic entertainment thing is about but hey, I can roll (no pun intended) with some things. Anyway, I have had an intense nostalgic love for his two best known songs for years...when my sister was about 8 or 9 she got a Casio keyboard for Christmas. The demo song was not "Never gonna give you up" but "Together Forever", which is basically the same song with some minor adjustments but I still love it. Wait a minute, does that mean we were the first ever to be in on the joke, when Rick Astley was actually still famous? And how should I feel right now admitting that I consciously downloaded two Rick Astley songs to my ipod two years ago? Damn Proud, that's how.

It's better now

Some might think this to be blasphemy in its most perverse form:

I watched The Way We Were last night...for the first time.

I have to say...can I please be put in a time machine and transported into Robert Redford's arms circa 1973? I'm just saying. Barbra is fabulous and everything but god-damn Hubble!

And her nails bothered me...you don't really see nails like that unless you're hanging outside a Korean nail shop Sat. before church or down south before an outdoor crunk concert.

Some other movies that I have only recently seen for the first time for whatever reason:

Pretty Woman- about 2 years ago
When Harry Met Sally- last year
Love Story- a few months ago (I was sick, it was on Starz)

Only sensing a little bit of a pattern here....my only regret is that watching it the second and third times will not be nearly as satisfying...ok, twenty-ninth and thirtieth times.

A Strange and Interesting Phenomenon

Snagged the title of this post from one of my all time favorite movies...just pondering why is it that engaging in one form of intense activity seemingly cancels out the other one? In my case it's writing. In less than a month, I have turned out two finished short screenplays and am down and dirty in the middle of a feature length. It's fairly intense, as I will find myself writing for hours but physically, no time has gone by. Kind of like being drunk. Anyway, the point is, aside from being ravaged with illness earlier this month, this is the first thing I have posted in a long time because while I think nothing of flipping open the Macbook and powering up Movie Magic (I can be a shameless little plugger sometimes) I find myself actually having to force myself to blog, which up until a month ago, I have been fairly dedicated to. I hate the word "blog" by the way. Why do we have to dumb ourselves down by abbreviating everything? I was kind of inexplicably mad when McDonald's decided to change their name to Mickey D's (little things get me fired up) but was incensed when the National Geographic Channel went for the catchy: "Nat Geo" No. It is not clever, it is not hip. It's actually pretty stupid and unnecessary, ruining great memories I had of watching National Geographic on TBS as a kid before I went to bed...oh well. Yeah, so what was I talking about? Oh yeah. writing...

Is that really necessary?

A previous post about the appendix being removed from the mouth was bad. It made me uneasy and fed my fear of hospitals even more. So why would the medical community go and do this to me? I picture a bunch of doctors sitting around (maybe passing a narcotic substance) and one of them goes: "You know what would be funny...?" My insides are writhing as I type. Why I ask, why?

link via Science Daily

Stuff this Black person actually likes

When I first clicked on this link, I was like, oh no, not another one! These Stuff (insert race) People Like blogs are popping up EVERYWHERE. However, I was mildly surprised when I realized that Stuff Black People Hate is ridiculously random, amusingly hateful (if there is such a thing) and actually kind of funny.

The guy who writes it reminds me of that one kid you knew in college who would chill in your room and crack everyone up as he sat there and went off for three hours about all the people and things in the world he hated and what he would do to them if he got the chance. It usually involved firearms or explosives. This kid would always be wearing the same thing and read alot of comic books and this gave you reason to fear him, just a little. He never understood why everyone found him so amusing but didn't care and would leave your room abruptly after stealing some Ramen noodles.

In other words, I recommend it.

The guy who started all of this (i think) just got a book deal. Finding out that he is Canadian doesn't seem to sit well with me though. Hmmmm......

links via: Stuff Black People Hate, Gawker