Religulous

From the average viewer's perspective, having watched Politically Incorrect all through HS and now Real Time, I think it's safe to say that Bill Maher is a cocky bastard. Cocky and most of the time right. Even when it's delivered in the most abrasive, offensive way possible. That being said, the documentary Religulous (not sure if I spelled that right) was predictable in that it was 100 minutes of Bill Maher telling us what we already know: that he thinks anyone who subscribes to any religion is a mentally ill, deluded asshole and that they are taking up all the air breathed by smart, rational, science loving people.

Because this is directed by Larry Charles, director of Borat, this premise is funny only halfway until you realize that without the one-liners being hurled, the religious freaks putting their foot in their mouths and the crazy, irreverent movie clips intercut between damn near every scene, you don't have much of an interesting film. With the exception of a few, the interviews seemed way too short and the cramming and bashing of every major religion, including Scientology seemed rushed.

The problem with Religulous is that it preaches to the converted. The only people that will probably see this are so called intellectuals, democrats, open-minded, free thinking people, in other words, the same people that watch his show. Even though there is nothing wrong with making a decidedly biased movie, it gets stale after a while when you realize that the joke ceases to be funny because you get it from the beginning. The lawsuits that will inevitably follow this film might be more interesting.

Granted, the nice touches are Maher's conversations with his now deceased mother, a cringe-inducing interview with a reformed heterosexual Christian and an utterly clueless politician who doesn't even to seem to know why he's religious. But unlike Borat, this isn't enough to carry the movie as Maher injects himself way too much into the film, especially at the end which is basically an extended version of his trademark rant at the end of Real Time. Religulous incites a few laughs and there are some genuinely entertaining moments but overall, it was way too scattered and even for yours truly, the converted, way too one sided.

It's never too late

Congratulations to Maurice Sendak for coming out at age 80. I have purposely not watched or really read anything related to the live action version of Where the Wild Things Are because I will wait for the movie to be in completion to pass judgement. As much as I love Spike Jonze, aren't some things just sacred? We'll see...

Hmmmmmm.......

It's no secret that, while conflicted about it, I am somewhat of a Disney groupie. Since I saw Lady and the Tramp when I was about 5, ( and when it's good, it's not all good) I've been hooked. (I also know at least two songs from every Disney musical ever made but shhhh...don't tell anybody).

So bear with me as I pause (kind of) to pass judgement on this new Disney film set in New Orleans featuring the first Black female princess. Not even out yet, The Princess and The Frog is already stirring controversy, as Disney literally had to go back to the drawing board after
originally making her a god damn maid. (Some studio exec probably rationalized: Hey, Cinderella was a maid! No one had a problem with that!)

So she's no longer a maid but the fact that it's set in a place and time where technically, princesses can't really exist bothers me. Why can't little black girls wander off into far away lands of unspecified origin in their daydreams instead of colonial America? Black people love escapist fantasy just as much as the next person. And even though Disney will make a killing off of the marketing and merchandise of this film because parents will buy their kids anything, isn't it a little too late for hand drawn animation? Wouldn't this have fared better pre-Pixar, say right after Mulan?

And then I come to what I know will ultimately piss me off about this film. The buck toothed, slack jawed, Sambo-like insect that I guess is supposed to invoke fond memories of Jiminy Cricket or Sebastian the crab but really is just some of the most ridiculous, stereotypical shit I have ever seen. I won't post any links to the trailer here, as I have already (unsuccessfully) tried not to pass judgement. Google it, and see for yourself.

And let me end with saying that Mufaro's Beautiful Daughters was and still is one of the most beautifully written, illustrated and imaginative children's books ever written. It should be required reading for every black mother who would like to have her daughter not grow up with identity/ self-esteem issues. (worked for me!) The story has romance, a handsome prince, drama, intrigue, talking animals and it's set in Africa. It's gorgeous and I've always thought it should be adapted to the big screen. But then again, if passed through the unrelenting stereotype machine that is American cinema, the end result would be nothing like the original. But I digress. Actually I don't.

All great things

Even though I grew up a serious dilettante (clarinet, Alto sax, dance, musical theater, track and field, piano, poetry, painting, photography, blah blah blah), I am pretty sure that film is it for me. In thinking about this, I recall two specific things that lead me to this conclusion. The first is this show during the eighties called "Lights, Camera, Action" narrated by Leonard Nimoy that used to air on Nickelodeon. You couldn't have told me this show didn't have a thousand episodes after watching the making of the Dark Crystal. It was like constant music in my ears after that, I didn't know what to do with myself. The second is "At the Movies" with Siskel and Ebert. First of all, to an introverted, movie obssessed 8 year old on a rainy day, the cheesy intro music and movie theater set is the greatest thing ever. And the movie clips! The arguing! And even though it took me a while to warm up to Richard Roeper, I feel a little something knowing that everything I once knew about the show is going away, no more thumbs up, thumbs down. I wish Roger Ebert the best, I owe that show a lot. The new hosts will probably be acceptable and entertaining. There's just no replacing the original. If more people had that kind of passion for movies, maybe so many crappy movies wouldn't get made. Just a thought.

GO SEE WALL-E GO SEE WALL-E GO SEE WALL-E....

I was armed with all the cynicism in my 30-year old body and sadly, it melted away in less than five minutes. I must preface this by saying that I am a die-hard fan of traditional hand drawn animation and have not been sucked into the Pixar wave, no matter how creative or groundbreaking their films are. I like Finding Nemo alot, everything else for me is just ok. Until last night. Where do I begin? The eerie post apocalyptic New York set to sadly beautiful big band music? The breathtaking space scenes, the commentary on the future of this world if it is run into the ground by corporations, or simply the fact that the little robot had only one real line and every time he said it, I couldn't help but smile. Aw shucks, I LOVED this movie! (And yes, he does look like Johnny 5 but honestly, I always thought Johnny 5 was kind of creepy. This little bastard was just unimaginably cute...and yes, there is an entire website devoted to fans of Short Circuits 1 & 2...I don't judge.) But back to the subject at hand. GO SEE WALL- E! It's that good.

The Wackness

I appreciate movies that are extremely personal to the director, almost autobiographical. It's often the way I write my own stuff and when it's done well, it can be pretty powerful. "The Wackness", starring Ben Kingsley, adorable Josh Peck, the friend from Juno and one of those Olsen twins (still trying to figure out the point of that) is one of those movies. It starts out extremely self- indulgent as the actors didn't seem to be comfortable with the dialogue until the end of the second act and there were some scenes that just seemed a few minutes too long. (the constant references to stuff from 1994 were also kind of annoying) Despite that, this film turns out to be a very sweet, sad , and weird little movie about one of the hottest summers in NYC (I remember), falling in love and dealing with crazy old people. The craziest being Ben Kingsley, who jumps right into his stoner psychiatrist role, weird accent and all. He is so entertaining that it never gets tired and Josh Peck as his 18 year old dealer is almost perfect opposition. Even if you weren't into 90's Hip-Hop ( The soundtrack gave me serious 10th grade flashbacks) it still had something for everyone. What bothered me the most though was Method Man's horrendous accent as a Jamaican drug dealer (They could afford Ben Kingsley but not a dialect coach?) and the insertion of the title in the dialogue which I loathe unless absolutely necessary. The girl from Juno (I know her name just don't feel like typing it) says something like: "I see the dopeness, you see the wackness." Heh? Um, no, just no. Other than that, check it out.

I'm still going to see it

Approaching my twilight years, I am not as much of a Sex and the City fanatic as I used to be. Like so many other New Yorkers, I have always been strangely entranced, delighted and absolutely pissed that Sex & The City exists. No one runs through midtown in four inch heels. Sorry, it just doesn't happen. Just like NO ONE can live on 73rd and 3rd and be perpetually broke as Carrie always was. Rent stabilized Brownstones in Manhattan? They don't exist. Neither do obscenely handsome, intelligent straight guys, or fabulous fleet week parties in some random location in Times Square. What I really feel sorry for are the all the out- of -towners who watch the show and then come to NYC and discover that (gasp) people of color actually live in New York. But I digress.

If you were caught up in the SATC haze as I was, you'll know that the show is a very hard habit to kick, especially now that it's in syndication. If you are not familiar with the haze, it's that 2-3 year period after the final episode aired on HBO where you actually felt sorry for yourself because you were torn between watching something really good, informative or entertaining or pressing play on your remote and watching another season of SATC on demand for literally the 400th time while simultaneously contemplating shelling out $200 for the DVD set. Ask anyone that knows me. It was bad. But again, I digress.

Thank the stars for this TONY article on why the show has been a huge reason for NYC's general downfall into suckage and oblivion. God knows I loves me some NY1 but when that stupid Carmel car commercial comes on, I want to gouge my eyes out with the nearest blunt object. Unlike most local NYC commercials that are so bad they're good, this one is god awfully horrendous and I really wish NY1 would renege on their pact with the devil and stop airing it. That being said, I will still pay 12 bucks and leave the theater two hours later feeling simultaneously dead & fabulous inside.

Link Via Time Out New York

It's better now

Some might think this to be blasphemy in its most perverse form:

I watched The Way We Were last night...for the first time.

I have to say...can I please be put in a time machine and transported into Robert Redford's arms circa 1973? I'm just saying. Barbra is fabulous and everything but god-damn Hubble!

And her nails bothered me...you don't really see nails like that unless you're hanging outside a Korean nail shop Sat. before church or down south before an outdoor crunk concert.

Some other movies that I have only recently seen for the first time for whatever reason:

Pretty Woman- about 2 years ago
When Harry Met Sally- last year
Love Story- a few months ago (I was sick, it was on Starz)

Only sensing a little bit of a pattern here....my only regret is that watching it the second and third times will not be nearly as satisfying...ok, twenty-ninth and thirtieth times.

Yes!

If The Onion Movie proves to be as gloriously pointless and absurd as this trailer and the Onion itself, then I am defeintely excited. Cockpuncher? It doesn't get any better. Steven Seagal will prove to be a national treasure after this role. (i'm only joking a little) Straight to DVD's always get me a little wary but this one is probably right on the mark. Half the time, just the headlines of stories in the Onion are enough to get me through the day. I can't picture myself sitting in a movie theater watching this but since I have recently watched "Tenacious D and the Pick of Destiny" for three weekends straight, this movie is destined to become a cult classic with the sarcasm loving, random word association loving set. All hail silliness.

Raise your hand if you would like to ban catch phrase movies...

I fell just short of harboring violent thoughts when one of my best friends asked me if I wanted to see Step up 2: The Streets (clever!) I chalked her suggestion up to a serious lapse in judgment, possibly sleep or food deprivation....anyway,for the love of all that is right with this world, the producers of Step Up need to be stopped. Now. Their new cinematic masterpiece is called Never Back Down. Djimon Honsou cannot be blamed for wanting a quick paycheck, for capitalizing off of the hotness that he is, right? Who knows, the movie might even be slightly watchable. One wonders if these people are trolling around those tourist trap t-shirt stores in Times Square looking for movie titles. What's the next one going to be, In it to Win it, or Drop that Zero: Get with This Hero? (They can have that one for free.)

I blame Stomp the Yard and You got Served...no wait, those had mostly all- black casts and the first rule of catch phrase movies is that they have to star at least one tough, inner city- white kid, or an attractive white ballet dancer girl who ends up falling in love with the tough inner city white kid. So I blame Save the Last Dance and for that matter, Bring it On and Stick It and Raise Your Voice and...oh crap, you get the point. Enough already with the inspirational three- word titles. (Although, I did like Bring it On...spirit fingers!)

link via IMDB

Cloverfield makes a good point about gentrification.

Cloverfield was sort of good in a very "well it didn't suck" kind of way. Even though I was close to getting very nauseous, (it could have been the raisinet laced popcorn though) the shaky camera work meshed well with the special effects without ever being too obvious or cheesy. What bothered me about the film were a number of things regarding what would really happen in NYC in the event (even though there was a scene reminiscent of 9/11) a gigantic slimy monster thingy attacked the city.

For instance, what was with the automatic decision to run over the Brooklyn bridge to safety? Any New Yorker would know that, just like during 9/11, all was calm and peaceful uptown. Assuming that I didn't know the army was going to (spoiler alert) blow up Manhattan, my ass would have been on the first available train, bus, bike, Segway, or I would of hoofed it straight to Harlem and the Bronx. I mean really. And what was up with the subway scene? I would have loved to be a fly on the wall in that production meeting. Not only did the Spring St. Station look like someone just basically said "F**K it" and guessed what a NYC subway should look like, but getting from the village to 59th st in what seemed like less than an hr? Once that scene happened it kind of distracted me from the rest of the movie. And funny how no one was concerned about the third rail. Did we not see Beat Street? Forgive me for being such a NY snob but it drives me nuts when movies get it all wrong. Like when they stick the Empire state building, or the Chrysler building right in the middle of an intersection instead of in the avenue where they really belong, just so they can blow them up.

Which brings me to my clever title about the rampant and depressing surge of gentrification that is taking over the best parts of NYC. If those kids were real New Yorkers, they probably would have been in the Cloverfield sequel. But like all other twenty- something up and coming young professionals, the whole party scene reeked of the scourge of fair weather New Yorkers who come to party, live in cramped, over priced apartments, (that are overpriced because they will pay for it) pretend to be a part of the city when they won't go past 86th street and then leave, to spend their disposable incomes in the suburbs.

Which leads me to another point, as I increasingly stray from the original point about this movie which, the more I think of it was just aiight. Why do I always feel like I just asked something extremely personal when I inquire about whether someone is a Native New Yorker or not? If one says that they are from new York, it implies that they are born there, no? I've had more than a few uncomfortable conversations with people (mostly women) who seem almost ashamed to admit that they are not Native New Yorkers, who quickly inform me that they have lived in NY for at least five years and then are real quick to rattle off a bunch of trendy wine bars in Brooklyn that I must go to. What gives? I call it city envy.

Even though it's painfully obvious nowadays, (hint: despite a certain myth about New Yorkers being rude, it's actually the other way around!) I don't particularly care who is from New York and who isn't. What I do care about is the soul slowly being sucked out of the city I grew up in because the rich and affected want to use it as their playground and then bail when it becomes too real. It saddens me, makes me contemplate running to the suburbs my damn self. OK, I take that back. No WAY am I moving to Queens! (haha) But I am losing faith. Especially after watching Cloverfield. Now, the more that I think about it, it kind of sucked, just a little. Oh well.

link via Stuff White People Like (hilarious)
image via IWatchStuff