Pauly shore is a severely unrecognized talent

Let me first preface this by saying, shut the F**K up Pauly Shore. Obviously Barack's ( yes, we are now on a first name basis) speech was lost on some, but hopefully not many. So Pauly Shore is just as funny if not funnier than Katt Williams? Really? I take back what I said about Spitzer needing some of what Bush is smoking. He needs to call this guy's dealer, quick.

Some keen observations from the genius behind Bio Dome:

• White people will be picking cotton very soon.
• The hierarchy of race is Persians (wtf), some Polish people, maybe some Jews and Black people at the top.
• He's a natural born comedian because he happened to be the offspring of a guy who owned a comedy club.

We'll see if I ever watch Son-In-Law at 3 in the morning on the CW anymore.
People have been saying this is some kind of joke but isn't that the thing about being Pauly Shore? He's not funny.
Let me end this by saying Shut the f**k up Pauly Shore.

Tell it, Barack.

In a recent session of a Media Theory class I'm taking for grad school, the inevitable subject of race and gender popped up. My class has (surprisingly...I'm used to being the only one) more than a few Black students but that day, I was the only one to show up. The question of whether things were getting better in this country was asked. The white students were tight- lipped. I got anxious, trying to form the right words in my head so as not to offend anybody.

Do I say what I really feel and become the angry black woman to a bunch of kids who up until know only knew me as the amiable girl who watched way too many eighties movies? Do I play it safe and give an optimistic, idealistic answer but then kick myself hours later on the train as I replay the answer in my head over and over again but still maintain my status as "safe" with the white students in my class?

Everyone was poised, looking at me to deliver the answer. I ultimately spoke my mind, I got funny looks, uncomfortable silence. And I felt strange afterwards. Not only did I out myself as someone who is very angry about the world I live in, but I also made my classmates think that all Black people think this way. Of course, all of this is in my head, I might never know what they really think of me, but the constant frustration and yes, (shock of all shocks) anger and stunted hope that comes with being a person of color in this country is very real. I am not too sensitive and no, I do not need to get over it. I am not living in the past, nor do I want to ever forget it. I would be lying if I said that much of what Jeremiah Wright didn't strike a chord in me, made me proud someone was speaking up. Just like I would be lying if I said that I didn't sometimes stereotype some white people without truly knowing them first. This speech honestly brought a few tears to my eyes. Empty, naive rhetoric? I think it's time to put that accusation to rest.

Yay

Congratulations to David Paterson on being sworn in as my state's new, first ever Black governor. Everyone seems to like him so that's encouraging.

2008 is going by too slow....

Both of my best friends/ roommates in college were economics majors. They used to talk about "the market" and business trends and patterns and when I was listening, it was always like: heh? I am chronically right-brained and have never really thought about this elusive thing called the economy mostly because it involves numbers and those things make my head hurt. Anyway, all of a sudden, the economy is everywhere, you can't turn on the TV or open a paper or turn to NY1 without it being the top story when they do NY minute. (Love that!)

So I suspected something was fishy when some guy who apparently controls ALL the money started changing interest rates and the banks were just starting to feel the sub-prime mortgage disaster (for the record, I was aware of that because most of the people losing their houses on the East Coast were Black & Latino) and now, Bear Stearns is going extinct and we are on the verge or are already in a recession. If things get any worse, I might have to dust off my K1000 and shoot for the WPA. OK my bad, that wasn't funny.

Anyway, last week, after waiting for a bus that never came and then stuck in traffic in a cab on the West Side Highway for thirty minutes I realized that Bush was in town and then realizing that I hardly ever think about him anymore gave me a bit of hope until 1010 Wins gave the details of his speech. Apparently, nothing is wrong with the economy and people need to lighten up. Thanks for that, George W. Between the war that's going so well, and American tax dollars having to help fix a trillion-dollar deficit, everything is roses and I needed him to come all the way to NYC, screw up traffic all afternoon to tell me that. The worst part is I can't help but feeling his giddy optimism isn't a Nero fiddling while Rome burns type of thing but more of a: whew, whoever has to clean up this mess is really up shit's creek type of thing. This guy needs a smack, seriously. Eliot Spitzer could use some of what he's smoking right about now.

links via: NY Times, Huffington Post, AP

heh?

Advances in Science and medicine never cease to amaze me. However, if for any reason I need my appendix taken out, please, NO DETAILS! In California, they've figured out that possibly removing one's appendix from the mouth speeds up the healing process, lessens the amount of incisions that need to be made. That's all well and good but personally, I could never eat again without having latent flashbacks of appendix- to - mouth contact. Eating over-ripe peaches or Jello would never be the same. It also makes me think of the Frog scene from Pan's Labyrinth. I know, I'm sorry. Eww.


link via Science Daily
image via USA Today

Labeling people is the new Black

Stuff white people like is a funny and entertaining blog. I fully admit that and I also admit that even though it can be taken literally (I love the comments: "OMG! I'm White and that is so me! This blog rocks!") I prefer to take it with a grain of salt because as someone who is not white, even I squirmed a bit at some of the generalizations made about my Caucasoid brethren.

I knew it was only a matter of time before labeling specific kinds of people with dead-pan sarcastic, anthropological commentary would catch on. When I found the Stuff Educated Black People Like blog, my first instinct was not to take it seriously and then I thought, "Am I offended?" and then I remembered how hard I was trying not to laugh at this link to a link courtesy of Dlisted (I'm sorry. And damn you/love you Micheal K...) and then I remembered how much does not surprise or offend me anymore.

The thing is, loathe and amused as I am to admit it, both blogs speak to me quite a bit. If my collective experiences didn't lead me to be so damn self- aware all the time, I'd be more confused than Tiger Woods, Jessica Alba, Mariah Carey, Rob Schneider and Jennifer Tilly at a family reunion. (I'm just saying.) The thing also is, Black identity is not so cut and dry as this blog makes it out to be and just a thought : does stating that the blog was created to separate educated Black people from uneducated Black people help things much? I think not. I know alot of "educated" Black people that I'd like to smack repeatedly, the main reason being this constant need to divide a people, their own people, people who are notoriously struggling with the idea of "unity".

And for the record, I'm 50% educated Black person, 30% ghetto (in the fried Bologna/ mayo ketchup salad dressing sense of the word) 15% cornball, 65% romantic daydreamer, 25%bitch, 33%goody- two shoes, and 14%weirdo. Where's the blog about my kind?

links via: Dlisted, Stuff White people Like, Stuff Educated Black People Like

It's only a matter of time....

Do we really want James Cameron, self proclaimed king of the world to tell us "I told you so?". About a year ago I downloaded Second Life because it seemed a natural progression as I had been steadily playing the SIMS for Hours and HOURS. Two days into it, I deleted my account and the software from my laptop. Why? Because it was all too much. We are detached more and more everyday from what is perceived as real. It certainly does not help matters that people's marriages are being ruined because of a video game. I repeat, a video game. A somewhat groundbreaking one, but a video game nonetheless.

So now, just because they can, the evil geniuses of Second Life and some "researchers"(she says with raised eyebrow) are conspiring to create characters that think and reason like a 4 year old child. It's name is Eddie. I don't now what's creepier. A computer program that can play on our sympathies or that they chose to name him Eddie. I say both. Both are equally disturbing. So when your computer turns on you in the not too distant future with some smart ass comment about how the revolution is coming, don't say you weren't warned. Cameron predicted it.

links via Science Daily & Reuters

Yes!

If The Onion Movie proves to be as gloriously pointless and absurd as this trailer and the Onion itself, then I am defeintely excited. Cockpuncher? It doesn't get any better. Steven Seagal will prove to be a national treasure after this role. (i'm only joking a little) Straight to DVD's always get me a little wary but this one is probably right on the mark. Half the time, just the headlines of stories in the Onion are enough to get me through the day. I can't picture myself sitting in a movie theater watching this but since I have recently watched "Tenacious D and the Pick of Destiny" for three weekends straight, this movie is destined to become a cult classic with the sarcasm loving, random word association loving set. All hail silliness.

Chop Shop

Chop Shop is a surprisingly sweet and sadly realistic portrayal of a young boy who hustles everyday working in a garage in Queens. Shot like a documentary, the camera follows Alejandro, (played excellently by 12 year old Alejandro Polanco) as he lifts and carries car parts that are bigger than him, haggles with customers and witnesses things that most children would or should not see. The story begins with Ale finding his sister Isamar (played by Isamar Gonzales) who has presumably, been living in a group home. She moves in with him in a cramped room above the chop shop where they earn their keep.
Director Rahmin Baharani chose to tell the story of the loss of innocence with an unapologetic eye, never going into extreme detail about the circumstances of these children's lives but what they do to maneuver their way through it. The center of the story is Ale's relationship with his sister, which becomes strained by Ale uncovering a secret about Isamar that devastates him. Dealing with what he has discovered while at the same time trying to fulfill his goal of owning a food truck is fascinating to watch. Polanco's performance as a kid wise beyond his years, tough but still very vulnerable is what carries this film from beginning to end.

Chop Shop is playing at the Film Forum until March 11.

link via IMDB

It's not over yet...

Hillary won three states, Obama is still in the lead. My least favorite subject in school could be the big decider...not settling for a dream ticket just yet.

Lying is the new black

Oprah, come get these two! Misha Defonseca and Margaret Seltzer were two people who up until a week ago, I had never heard of and probably didn't care much about what with Obama and trying to get my freakin' Master's burning streams of random, paranoid and hopeful thought into my brain. I'd like to think of myself as a truly literary person but I read books usually two at a time and then nothing for months. After Harry Potter, what else is there? (kidding, a little.)

Anyway, who are these broads and who do I need to hook up with to publish a fake memoir? Compared to most other professions, it seems like easy money. Anyway, one of them lied about her experiences during the Holocaust (shame). Turns out she is not Jewish and incredibly enough, was not raised by wolves in the forests of Europe while single handedly fighting Nazis with her bare hands. There was even a film made about her life, which is a no-brainer because the producers probably read it and thought it was another Rambo sequel.

The other, which is my favorite, claimed to be half White, half Native- American, grew up a foster child in South Central LA and became a gang-banger or close confidante of said gang- bangers, the details don't really matter do they? The reality is that she's a suburban kid who apparently couldn't deal with the hardships of growing up upper middle class. She's been making the media rounds just as much as James Frey lately and I smell a fictional book coming, even though technically she already wrote it. Has writing fake accounts of one's life become the new 15 minutes? This should be a reality show...."America's Next Top Delusional Writer who's Publishers won't be bothered with silly things like fact- checking." What's especially hilarious and disheartening about what is really considered newsworthy is this piece by the Times before she was caught. A white girl who says "homies" and can use the term ghetto in conversation without it being ironic seemed to have them salivating. The whole article is written with inspired awe, a homage to cooking soul food and raising pit bulls, cause you know, that's all Black people do. (sigh)

links via The New York Times & Gawker

With baited breath....

I think it's safe to say Texas owes us one. Let's make history people! Props to Hillary as well...she would have put up a hell of a fight.

Raise your hand if you would like to ban catch phrase movies...

I fell just short of harboring violent thoughts when one of my best friends asked me if I wanted to see Step up 2: The Streets (clever!) I chalked her suggestion up to a serious lapse in judgment, possibly sleep or food deprivation....anyway,for the love of all that is right with this world, the producers of Step Up need to be stopped. Now. Their new cinematic masterpiece is called Never Back Down. Djimon Honsou cannot be blamed for wanting a quick paycheck, for capitalizing off of the hotness that he is, right? Who knows, the movie might even be slightly watchable. One wonders if these people are trolling around those tourist trap t-shirt stores in Times Square looking for movie titles. What's the next one going to be, In it to Win it, or Drop that Zero: Get with This Hero? (They can have that one for free.)

I blame Stomp the Yard and You got Served...no wait, those had mostly all- black casts and the first rule of catch phrase movies is that they have to star at least one tough, inner city- white kid, or an attractive white ballet dancer girl who ends up falling in love with the tough inner city white kid. So I blame Save the Last Dance and for that matter, Bring it On and Stick It and Raise Your Voice and...oh crap, you get the point. Enough already with the inspirational three- word titles. (Although, I did like Bring it On...spirit fingers!)

link via IMDB

small observation...

Ashanti is back. If you read that fragmented sentence with the same level of enthusiasm I had when I typed it, that just about says it all. Don't get me wrong, her songs were cute, catchy, heavily reliant on expensive production beats. There was just almost something I found a tad bit annoying about her, I don't know. Of course she has been replaced by the queen of annoying catchy music, Beyonce and this is my reason for posting. Isn't this video just basically a Beyonce video but with someone else singing it? Same art direction, very similar costume choices, same cheesy, pointless melodrama. Originality, where art thou?

link via Spike TV

Jane Fonda is my new hero...sort of, for today.

Not going to waste time explaining this because it's been done already. Just watch it and laugh and then laugh some more at Meredith Viera's "apology".



And then laugh some more because Jane Fonda is an old lady who knew exactly what the hell she was saying. Diane Keaton was my hero, sort of, a couple of weeks ago for this. What is going on with old ladies lately? If this is what I have to look forward to then god, I can't wait. I'm going to be a mess. A hot mess.

heh?

Sometimes irony is not a good thing. Say for instance, when you're writing a humor column and you compare two photographs of two black men who look nothing alike and one of them is wearing sunglasses. Maybe it's ironic because it's not funny but then that actually makes it funny for like a second...wait, no, it's not funny and now my head hurts. (sigh) If the media is trying so hard to prove that things are getting better in this country, they might want to start by not saying all Black people look alike. Just a thought....then again something tells me thought was not a factor when this NY Times "piece" (that term is being used sooooo loosely right now) was written. (sigh again)

Ridiculousness courtesy of The New York Times

Could this be a perfect day?

I swear, it's like someone said: "Here you go, you earned it, smile all day."
This was Tuesday:
Cable went out (sucks)
Dead tired from class (sucks in a good way, kind of)
Passed out with my shoes on.

Wednesday Morning:
1010 WINS (best morning radio station when you need to wake the hell up) Announces that Obama is in the lead, and....Uno the beagle, who is almost as cute as my Baby, won Westminster, for the first time ever. I am constantly torn about the fact that I love Dog shows but my own children will never get to be in one. However, I love the beagle and this one is so cute I want to wretch. Which makes today perfect! (Even with all the rain which I don't even mind cause I get to strut in my bubble umbrella which I LOVE.) Yay...life is good, for today at least.

Pics via: Boston.com, Meetup.com

Cloverfield makes a good point about gentrification.

Cloverfield was sort of good in a very "well it didn't suck" kind of way. Even though I was close to getting very nauseous, (it could have been the raisinet laced popcorn though) the shaky camera work meshed well with the special effects without ever being too obvious or cheesy. What bothered me about the film were a number of things regarding what would really happen in NYC in the event (even though there was a scene reminiscent of 9/11) a gigantic slimy monster thingy attacked the city.

For instance, what was with the automatic decision to run over the Brooklyn bridge to safety? Any New Yorker would know that, just like during 9/11, all was calm and peaceful uptown. Assuming that I didn't know the army was going to (spoiler alert) blow up Manhattan, my ass would have been on the first available train, bus, bike, Segway, or I would of hoofed it straight to Harlem and the Bronx. I mean really. And what was up with the subway scene? I would have loved to be a fly on the wall in that production meeting. Not only did the Spring St. Station look like someone just basically said "F**K it" and guessed what a NYC subway should look like, but getting from the village to 59th st in what seemed like less than an hr? Once that scene happened it kind of distracted me from the rest of the movie. And funny how no one was concerned about the third rail. Did we not see Beat Street? Forgive me for being such a NY snob but it drives me nuts when movies get it all wrong. Like when they stick the Empire state building, or the Chrysler building right in the middle of an intersection instead of in the avenue where they really belong, just so they can blow them up.

Which brings me to my clever title about the rampant and depressing surge of gentrification that is taking over the best parts of NYC. If those kids were real New Yorkers, they probably would have been in the Cloverfield sequel. But like all other twenty- something up and coming young professionals, the whole party scene reeked of the scourge of fair weather New Yorkers who come to party, live in cramped, over priced apartments, (that are overpriced because they will pay for it) pretend to be a part of the city when they won't go past 86th street and then leave, to spend their disposable incomes in the suburbs.

Which leads me to another point, as I increasingly stray from the original point about this movie which, the more I think of it was just aiight. Why do I always feel like I just asked something extremely personal when I inquire about whether someone is a Native New Yorker or not? If one says that they are from new York, it implies that they are born there, no? I've had more than a few uncomfortable conversations with people (mostly women) who seem almost ashamed to admit that they are not Native New Yorkers, who quickly inform me that they have lived in NY for at least five years and then are real quick to rattle off a bunch of trendy wine bars in Brooklyn that I must go to. What gives? I call it city envy.

Even though it's painfully obvious nowadays, (hint: despite a certain myth about New Yorkers being rude, it's actually the other way around!) I don't particularly care who is from New York and who isn't. What I do care about is the soul slowly being sucked out of the city I grew up in because the rich and affected want to use it as their playground and then bail when it becomes too real. It saddens me, makes me contemplate running to the suburbs my damn self. OK, I take that back. No WAY am I moving to Queens! (haha) But I am losing faith. Especially after watching Cloverfield. Now, the more that I think about it, it kind of sucked, just a little. Oh well.

link via Stuff White People Like (hilarious)
image via IWatchStuff

heh?

Marion Jones' unfortunate (and stupid) choice to juice it up for the Olympics doesn't particularly surprise me. Neither do all these baseball guys (probably all guilty) or even 50 cent or Timbaland (file that under duh...) but Wyclef? If true, may I suggest upping the dosage? Um.......Mary J. Blige? What in the r&b mess? She is kind of a statuesque lady...maybe she was feeling the pressure to continue to look good in heels. (heels do a number on your legs, back, butt, everything. I know!) Or maybe she was just training to be able to keep up with this guy:



FABULOUS! Am only a little embarrassed to admit that he dances like me! Or me like him? Oh well, now there's something else to over think while I'm trying to look cool on the dance floor with as little movement as possible.

Am I the Only One Who thought "I Am Legend" Sucked?

I have been in the midst of an almost three week debate about why I thought this movie was probably one of the worst Will Smith/ CGI laden/ pseudo- intellectual/post-apocalyptic action movies ever made and I am tired.

The funny thing is, when I was on line to get into the movie theater (on opening night because some people I live with who shall remain nameless wanted to see it the second it hit theaters), the previous crowd came out highly recommending that I not go in. Being the mild film snob that I am, I thought to myself : "They were expecting a loud, frenetic action movie, they don't know any better." Well, to all the people I dismissed as having no taste in movies....I am sorry. You were right.

Will Smith is becoming a caricature of himself with all the forced, manly screaming, puppy dog eyes when he's vulnerable, macho wisecracking, etc. Monetarily speaking, this is a good thing because he is his own brand. However, as far as the craft of acting goes, if he really wants to be considered for another Oscar nomination, (believe it or not, someone actually tried to do a for your consideration bid for this movie!) he has to stretch it a little more. I realize that having to carry a movie is no small feat but like a lot of other people in the theater, I was expecting more. I couldn't even attempt to give a crap about the story because it was clear that the screenwriters didn't either. Case in point: the plot point about the zombies evolving. It was mentioned once and then never again despite the fact that there was a zombie "leader" who had nasty looking zombie dogs on a leash and everything. And incidentally, the mouth stretching thing that made the zombies look like they were copied from the same code used in The Mummy, was quite unimpressive. How many times did I just type "Zombie" in this sentence? Zombie.

Sadly, I wasn't even all that impressed at the CGI wasteland that New York was turned into and that's probably because there are plenty of vacant lots and neglected parks where I live in New York that look exactly the same. The film opens with a terrific flashback with Emma Thompson of all people, giving an origin story as to what turned NYC into no man's land. This could have been taken in so many directions instead of just copying off of 28 Days later. (still one of the best zombie movies made in the last 5 years) And then Will Smith (kind of unconvincing in a lab coat) goes from being a cynical, mildly insane doctor to a wide eyed mystic in less time than it took for me to swallow my rubbery movie popcorn.

The Oscar should go to the dog, for being able to put up with being in such an underwhelming movie. One plus: Will Smith's body is perfection (go on, try to pretend you weren't swooning during the chin up scene!)

pic via britfilms.tv
link via New York Magazine